It is so hard to let go of the dreams we had from before… But when you are battling through year two, you can no longer kid yourself that it was all a big misunderstanding…
I never really gave much thought to the idea of balance in my life…until now. Swinging like a pendulum, rocking from one extreme to another, reacting to people and events, has become standard operating procedure for my ‘new’ normal. Trying to satisfy increasingly chaotic demands at work and home have resulted in a multi-week headache and nightly insomnia… Something’s got to give…and it’s not going to be me…
As I’ve said many times to John and the girls, it’s up to each of us to decide how to live out this life we’ve been given… It can be one of abject misery or one of guarded hope…of aimless wandering or purposeful activity.
In the beginning, all I wanted was to hold on and endure, praying constantly that nothing else would change; I already had more than I could handle. In reality, change was the only constant.
As days became weeks, and eventually months passed, I failed to notice that my continuous efforts at ‘pleasing’ and ‘appeasing’ were contributing to the teeter-totter effect. Instead of being responsible and making plans, I’d simply wait to see what happened…and then deal with whatever afterwards…
I have to keep stripping away the people and things adding disorder and confusion to my world. Some I can eliminate; with others, I must manage my responses better… Both have to happen in order to stand on solid ground again. Only then will I find my place and purpose…and someday, hopefully, peace…
The Serenity Prayer says it best:
“God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.”
National Teen Driver Safety Week is this week, October 17-24, 2010; please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org if you would like free ‘Remember Brian 06-12-08’ bracelets to serve as a visual cue to ignore cell phones while behind the wheel. Requests for drivers of all ages are welcome!
Wishing you sunshine and always, hope…tg
Tammy will update her blog on Mondays and Thursdays. -- Jen, site administrator