Moms Columns & Blogs

Politics...

blog post photo

I need to figure out how to make the darkness my friend, as I spend much of my time there.  Apparently Mr. Sandman has lost my address…  I sit in the sunroom, staring out at the moonless night, trying to catch a glimpse of the dreams that are no longer mine… 

I wish I could say I care about the events going on in our country right now, but I cannot.  There simply isn’t enough energy left over at the end of the day to do so.  Each morning I start with my devotional, and from there anything goes; I’m constantly adjusting my schedule and disposition to meet the demands of my family and responsibilities at work.  Is my life any different from other working parents here?  Not one bit, other than I now lack the emotional capacity to tolerate the bickering and arguing permeating the media at present.  Call me an ostrich, but my head is firmly planted in the sand on such matters, until further notice…  

Which has created a new point of contention between John and me…  He absolutely loves watching all of the political news coverage these days, sunrise to sunset, going so far as to record some evening shows to watch the next day…  In the past John reserved yelling at the television exclusively for Panther football games, but not anymore; apparently he has broadened his horizon to include this new genre.  So what is the problem with it, exactly?  We have opposite reactions to the same stimulus…  While the controversy engages his mind, providing him a temporary distraction from our unwanted reality, it increases my anxiety level, ultimately resulting in a fight or flight, neither of which he cares for.  I cannot help it; I’m not exactly sure what he wants from me, or if he even knows himself, but clearly those aren’t it…

We did request and submit our absentee voting ballots; we weren’t sure where we would be on Election Day.  John’s parents offered to stay with the girls so we could take a trip.  Only we couldn’t decide where to go.  Or what to do.  And we didn’t really want to be separated from Beth and Grace, especially with Brian’s birthday looming large on the horizon.  I’m scared to change any part of our routine (such as it is) at the moment.  And honestly, I’m not sure how my in-laws will do, staying at our house without us.  I’m concerned about memories of Brian overwhelming them, and I don’t want any new demands placed on my husband.  We have built up a level of tolerance to our home environment, whereas they haven’t been here since the day of the funeral.  I suppose your mind starts to recognize the ‘new’ background by default, after almost five months of making yourself ‘go’ there.  Or maybe it’s as simple as we find comfort, not pain, in our memories of Brian here…  I don’t think that will be the case with them…

Wishing you hope…TG  

If you would like a ‘Remember Brian’ bracelet and you haven’t been able to reach me previously, please send your request and mailing address to rememberbrian@mindspring.com. 

Tammy will update her blog on Mondays and Thursdays.  -- Jen, site administrator  

  Comments