Moms Columns & Blogs

If Only

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I feel like I startled awake from a month long nap…and discovered the dog days of summer have flown by, taking the comfort of plentiful daylight with them…  We are headlong into the early evenings of autumn…  The varying shades of green that dressed the tree on the corner have succumbed to the newly crisp air…brilliant orange, soft apricot and golden yellow leaves blaze a final farewell, refusing to fade quietly just yet…  

Where does the time go?  Clearly it still passes around us without truly registering; we straggle along, going through the motions, doing what must be done because that is what we, as adults, are expected to do.  Why does the entire concept of time suddenly seem to be infinitely more complicated than before?  Perhaps it appears so because we long to rewind all that has passed, to turn back the hands of the clock and find something to change, some decision, so that this unwelcome outcome no longer belongs to us...    

Along with this desire to undo what has been done comes the onslaught of wishes…  

If only we searched longer for a suitable car;

If only we were the second (or third) to call about that Civic;

If only we missed the call back message on our machine;

If only we waited to find a stick-shift;

If only we held our resolve until September to buy;

If only we made him practice left turns more;

If only we told him to make right turns instead;

If only we insisted that he stay home that day;

If only we warned him about traffic in Pineville;

If only he rode with his friend;

If only he hadn’t backed into the mailbox;

If only he paid better attention;

If only he waited a few seconds more;  

If only their last words were something worthy instead…  

         

          “All right, Brian.”

          “All right, Dad.”  

“If only” is killing my husband, one wishful thought at a time…  

Thank you for all of the kind thoughts and prayers during these last weeks; it means more to us than you will ever know.  Wishing you hope…TG 

Next support group meeting, Saturday, June 20, 2009 @ 12:00 noon, Panera Bread-Matthews location.  

Tammy will update her blog on Mondays and Thursdays.  -- Jen, site administrator      

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