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There comes a point in time when certain things must be acknowledged, no matter how difficult, no matter the pain. After finally ‘airing’ the facts, your fraudulent innocence is replaced by a crushing awareness. The forward path you blissfully followed until now has vanished before your eyes; you can either go left or go right, but going back isn’t possible, for yesterday’s bridge can never be crossed again…
I have reached that place… For months, I have suffered silently and wrestled with knowing, consoling myself by thinking ‘no good can come from sharing this’. Except no good has come from keeping quiet either; if anything, it has fueled the misdirected anger and selective recall in our house. Tonight, I dragged my family kicking and screaming into the stark realm of black and white: Brian made a poor decision, and our lives today are the fallout…
Everyone makes mistakes. Brian made his fair share, as we all do. Most don’t result in this outcome. We have to face it. All of us. Because I cannot hold it inside any longer; HE made the trifling choice that changed everything. It wasn’t on purpose; he didn’t mean for this to happen. Just a split-second distraction…it cost him everything. Us everything. I believe we need to talk about it, the family of the one who erred unintentionally. Indirectly, I guess I have been since last June; I’ve been asking Beth, Grace, and anyone they ride with to put their phones away while driving. Is it enough to merely suggest it to my children and their friends? I don’t think so…I need to do it too and ask others to join me.
Before that can happen, we have to own it as a family. Today’s disastrous dinner was the first step in that direction. It’s pretty hard for any parent to admit when their child screws*up; when the consequence of such a minor misstep is this, it’s damn near impossible. But maybe this is the very thing I’ve been praying for, another way to bring something good out of losing Brian. Hopefully I have the strength to do it… Giving up the phone in the car is easy; talking about why I have done so, not so much…
Wishing you blessings and hope…tg
Tammy will update her blog on Mondays and Thursdays. -- Jen, site administrator