Moms Columns & Blogs

Keeping on

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October, 2009

When will the disquiet begin to settle?  Or will it?  Am I a fool to believe we can make it through this?  Does anyone ever really ‘survive’ such a thing?  Exactly what does surviving mean, anyway?  Maybe this is as good as it gets...

The last few weeks have been extremely different, not that anything around here has a rhythm or routine these days.  John has spent two out of the last three weeks working at the lake house...by himself...again.  It feels...strange...  But there is still much to be done and his work schedule is allowing for him to go, so...  I figure he needs a time out from all of our 'stuff' in order to process some of his own...

Grace has settled into her job and has a new boyfriend, a young man she met at work.  For the first time in forever, I see glimpses of a carefree teenager...  Who knows how long it will last?  I’m glad to see it, however fleeting it may be...  We continue fighting about her desire to drive us everywhere.  I know she needs to ‘practice’ as much as possible, but it is incredibly hard for me to relax and stay calm when something needs to be addressed.  With John running off to Chapin regularly, I’m forced to ride shotgun more and more, putting Grace and me at odds almost daily.  But how can I not allow her as many hours of behind the wheel preparation as possible after what happened?  It is an ongoing struggle...

Beth has become even more involved with Elevation Church.  She is co-leading a small bible study group for young, single women around her age.  The topics they cover are broad: dating, money, premarital sex, careers...  I think it’s good for her to have friends with similar values who are dealing with many of the same issues.  She said it makes her feel connected and more ‘normal’...

There has been quite a lot going on with the bracelet campaign since I gave my first talk a few weeks ago.  It is a big, bright spot of sunshine in the darkness all around me...  I am amazed and humbled, and quite frankly a little scared at how it has grown so far beyond what I ever imagined possible.  Darin Morton and Gary Cooper, two local State Farm agents, not only donated additional bracelets for me to give away, they also spoke to their Vice President of Agency about our ‘Bracelets for Brian’ mission.  She has agreed to make a supply of bracelets available to agents across the state for distribution to new (teenage) drivers, similar to what Darin and Gary are doing here, with one condition...  Darin and I have to share Brian’s story at each field office at some point during the next year.

Unbelievable...mind boggling...  Just when I think I’ve done all I can, He ups the ante...  The prospect is daunting; I’m not a good speaker.  It doesn’t come easily to me and I’m afraid of failing... 

If only I could keep this foremost in my mind, no matter what: my faith is stronger than my fear, and it’s not about my skill set, it’s about my mind set.  “For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:10

 

Wishing you hope…tg

Tammy will update her blog on Mondays and Thursdays.  -- Jen, site administrator  

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