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Making plans more than a week into the future is nearly impossible; I simply cannot think beyond the next couple of days. Forcing myself to do so causes me to break out in a cold sweat and feel edgy... While I’ve accepted this new limitation, I’m certain my apparent refusal to commit to longer range plans is frustrating to others. I mostly laugh it off, saying it allows me to be spontaneous, but it’s really just another way fear rears its ugly head; I’m afraid of looking too far ahead…
My problem with planning created unexpected chaos… It was a mad scramble to find a place to stay for Grace’s spring break next week; after searching online all night, I finally found a condo for rent that coincided with our schedule. Literally got in at the last minute. Grace wasn’t happy when she discovered where our place was located, at the far end of the beach. I’m relieved, since the distance will serve to somewhat insulate us from the noisy nocturnal activities of legions of unsupervised teenagers…
Nothing about this trip is going the way Grace wanted. Originally, she and a group of her girlfriends were planning to stay together; one of their moms was to be the chaperone. Until the mom learned of the incident at the first football game (Grace told her upfront). It was then the mom realized exactly who Grace was. She called to ask me to co-chaperone. Which I declined to do, as I’m hardly equipped to handle Grace, much less anyone else’s teen. A week later, she called again, stumbled around for a few minutes, and finally found the words to politely say if I didn’t help supervise, Grace was not welcome. I said no again, and told her I completely understood where she is coming from.
Because I do. She and I are not all that different; we have reached the same conclusion from opposite perspectives. She doesn’t want to be in charge of my child, given the tragedy my family has experienced and the impetuous behavior in kids at this age. I don’t want to be responsible for other people’s children for identical reasons; I am acutely aware of how quickly things can go wrong and have heard many tales of the risky decisions being made right here at home. I shudder to think of what they may do several hours away from their parents… No thanks… I’ll help if I’m called upon, but otherwise I’m staying at our end of the road… It’s not that I don’t care, I’m just in over my head as it is…
A heartfelt thank you to the person who returned Brian’s cross to the scene in Pineville… Wishing you sunshine and hope…tg
Tammy will update her blog on Mondays and Thursdays. -- Jen, site administrator