Charlotte Observer Logo

Whatever... | Charlotte Observer

×
  • E-edition
  • Customer Service
  • Advertise
  • Newsletters

    • News
    • Local
    • Crime
    • Databases
    • Education
    • Election
    • Politics
    • Nation/World
    • Special Reports
    • North Carolina
    • South Carolina
    • Corrections
    • Columnists
    • Retro Charlotte
    • Your Schools
    • All Blogs & Columns
    • Sports
    • Carolina Panthers
    • Charlotte Hornets
    • That's Racin'
    • High Schools
    • College Sports
    • Charlotte Knights/MLB
    • Other Sports
    • Blogs & Columnists
    • Inside the Panthers
    • Inside the NBA
    • Prep Insiders
    • Scott Fowler
    • Tom Sorensen
    • All Blogs & Columns
    • Politics
    • Elections
    • The North Carolina Influencer Series
    • RNC 2020
    • Business
    • Banking
    • Stocks Center
    • Top Workplaces
    • National Business
    • What's in Store
    • Development
    • All Blogs & Columns
    • Living
    • Religion
    • Food & Drink
    • Health & Family
    • Home & Garden
    • CLT Style
    • Travel
    • Living Here Guide
    • Blogs & Columnists
    • I'll Bite
    • Kathleen Purvis
    • All Blogs & Columns
    • Arts/Culture
    • Events
    • Movie News & Reviews
    • Restaurants
    • Music/Nightlife
    • Television
    • Books
    • Comics
    • Puzzles & Games
    • Rewards
    • Blogs & Columnists
    • All Blogs & Columns
    • Opinion
    • Editorials
    • Influencers Opinion
    • Kevin Siers
    • Letters
    • Submit an Op-ed
    • Submit a Letter
    • Viewpoint
    • All Blogs & Columns
    • Blogs & Columnists
    • O-Pinion
    • You Write The Caption
    • Taylor Batten
    • Peter St. Onge
  • Celebrations
  • Obituaries
  • TV Listings

  • Public Notices
  • Cars
  • Jobs
  • Moonlighting
  • Virtual Career Fair
  • Homes
  • Classifieds
  • Place an ad
  • Mobile & Apps

  • MomsCharlotte
  • Carolina Bride Magazine
  • South Park Magazine

Moms Columns & Blogs

Whatever...

CarolinaSonshine

    ORDER REPRINT →

April 01, 2009 12:00 PM

blog post photo

Another summer day has come and gone…  Darkness is not my friend…  I have found that it is far easier to be brave when sunshine is plentiful and streaming all around me…  Moonbeams and twinkling stars do nothing to illuminate this ebony twilight, now that one of my stars has fallen…  

What a labyrinth of volatile emotions and thoughts…irrational and angry one moment, then sad and depressed the next…  Although I once knew happiness and joy, my consuming grief has obliterated any trace of those feelings.  I hope and believe that I will know them again someday, but when, only heaven knows…  There is an undeniable restlessness in my spirit…but what else to do?  I am a semi-functioning zombie, performing a full complement of activities, although I have no recollection of doing more than simply surviving the day.  That’s all I am trying to do…survive the next breath, and maybe the one after that.  If I accomplish anything at all, it is merely a consequence of deeply ingrained responses, not the result of conscious decisions.  

My stacks of stuff scattered about the house are making John crazy.  I have taken over our guest room and divided it into zones: Brian’s corner, where anything pertaining to him, the accident, and aftermath are located; the reading corner, where all of the books pertaining to grief and coping are stacked up and falling over; the paper trail corner, where any receipts, statements, financial items and miscellaneous notes are dumped once I handle them; and the binge hobby corner, where I have put the randomly acquired skeins of yarn, cross stitch kits, and craft items that initially seemed interesting, but lost any appeal once home.  This ordered disorganization makes perfect sense to me, but to John, it reinforces how out of control our life is.  I don’t really care…it’s my room, my mess, and I will deal with it when I am able…  I know he wonders, ‘Who is this strange woman in my life?  Where is the organized person, the one I married who stayed on top of things?’  Ask no more…she has disappeared; Mrs. Type A has gone away…  

Sign Up and Save

Get six months of free digital access to The Charlotte Observer

SUBSCRIBE WITH GOOGLE

#ReadLocal

While sorting through parts of the piles today, I discovered a bag from Hobby Lobby.  I had completely forgotten about it, since this purchase was made the day before Brian’s accident.  I went there Wednesday morning in search of a tiny trinket, something small but encouraging for a friend who was undergoing chemotherapy.  When my mom fought breast cancer in 1999, I found little token gifts to raise her spirits, especially during the week following a treatment.  After a brief search, I came across the perfect thing…a white ceramic tile with a silk ribbon for hanging, a daisy-type flower in the center, and the word ‘Whatever’ below it.  Each petal has a different word…pure, lovely, admirable, true, noble, and right…  The copyright stamp on the reverse side says ‘Mustard Seeds 2007’…    

I should go and take this small offering to her as I am sure she could use some cheer, but perhaps it is good that I haven’t just yet…  I really needed to see these words myself.  Starting right now, I am committing to use this as an inspiration point, planting a seed in my own mind…  When I am awake and alone, with only the blackness of night and painful memories for hushed companions, I am going to remember this little tile and think only of the ‘Whatever’ words, bringing my thoughts back into the light…  

I re-posted the old blogs under archive headers last weekend.  They may be found in the month of March.  Thank you for your continued support.  Wishing you hope… TG   

Tammy will update her blog on Mondays and Thursdays.  -- Jen, site administrator  

  Comments  

Videos

Celebrities courtside in Charlotte for the NBA All-Star Saturday event

Best dunks in the NBA All-Star Dunk Contest

View More Video

Trending Stories

After multiple attempts, Charlotte council member Braxton Winston gets served

February 15, 2019 11:29 AM

The NBA All-Star Celebrity Game was looking weak. Then some strong basketball saved it.

February 16, 2019 02:26 AM

That trendy CBD product in your smoothie? Adding it is illegal, NC officials say

February 15, 2019 11:56 AM

Largest tribe in East called NC home for centuries. Feds say it’s not Indian enough.

February 15, 2019 08:40 AM

Shelby High football coach steps down for Appalachian State job

February 15, 2019 09:05 PM

things to do

Read Next

5 Supplies Teachers Need That Are On Sale Now

Deal Diva

5 Supplies Teachers Need That Are On Sale Now

Tara McAlister

    ORDER REPRINT →

August 17, 2016 05:37 PM

Great deals on supplies your teachers will appreciate having in the classroom this year.

KEEP READING

Sign Up and Save

#ReadLocal

Get six months of free digital access to The Charlotte Observer

SUBSCRIBE WITH GOOGLE

MORE MOMS COLUMNS & BLOGS

Best Back to School Deals of the Week

Deal Diva

Best Back to School Deals of the Week

August 08, 2016 09:06 PM
The Deal Diva’s Top Tips for Back-to-School Savings

Deal Diva

The Deal Diva’s Top Tips for Back-to-School Savings

August 06, 2016 01:23 PM
Ask the Pediatrician: New Moms and Breastfeeding

Rhonda Patt

Ask the Pediatrician: New Moms and Breastfeeding

August 04, 2016 07:24 PM
Get Ready to Stockpile with Super Doubles Event This Week

Deal Diva

Get Ready to Stockpile with Super Doubles Event This Week

July 24, 2016 08:05 AM
Ask the Pediatrician: Swimmer’s Ear

Rhonda Patt

Ask the Pediatrician: Swimmer’s Ear

July 11, 2016 01:20 PM
5 questions: Here's what you need to know about Amazon.com's Prime Day

Deal Diva

5 questions: Here's what you need to know about Amazon.com's Prime Day

July 07, 2016 09:03 PM
Take Us With You

Real-time updates and all local stories you want right in the palm of your hand.

Icon for mobile apps

Charlotte Observer App

View Newsletters

Subscriptions
  • Start a Subscription
  • Customer Service
  • eEdition
  • Vacation Hold
  • Pay Your Bill
  • Rewards
Learn More
  • About Us
  • Contact Us
  • Newsletters
  • News in Education
  • Photo Store
Advertising
  • Information
  • Place a Classified
Copyright
Privacy Policy
Terms of Service


Back to Story