I hope you all have big plans for Halloween tonight, because I will tell you, my evening is going to be the cat's meow. Thanks to The Two Story Inflatable Black Cat.
I love it when the neighbors lose their minds. When they just go crazy on a yard ornament for some random holiday or event. It breaks up the monotony, makes walking to the bus stop exciting and gives all the women something to talk about.
Digital Access for only $0.99
For the most comprehensive local coverage, subscribe today.
But even more so, it gives us a theme. And this year, it's Cat Scratch Fever. Check it out:
Standing nearly two stories high, this gigantic inflatable black cat's underbelly is 9 feet above the ground, allowing trick-or-treaters to walk underneath. Each paw is the size of an armchair. The cat's head automatically sways side to side, and it has illuminated, piercing red eyes. His wide-fanged grin is almost 5 feet wide, and his hindquarters and tail are elevated above his head as if he's about to pounce on the next door neighbor's Great Dane.
How good is this?
An integrated air pump inflates the display in four minutes. And lights in the neck, body and tail actually make it glow. Made of nylon, the cat remains in place with the help of stakes, 10-foot tethers and, I imagine, a whole lot of duct tape to keep The Two Story Inflatable Black Cat from floating down the street in something reminiscent of the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade.
It gets better. Our hostess has really pounced on this one. She's prepared a special drink for the occasion. She's calling it The Hairball - some sort of kitty concoction poured into a champagne flute with a black raspberry in the bottom.
Also, she'll be serving a variety of snacks for the kids - an assortment of "catnips" and "flea bites" - food I'm sure the kids can't wait to get their paws on.
And she won't be handing out candy from some lame ol' pumpkin. You gotta scoop your candy out of the litter box! Cat got your tongue? No worries - she bought the cat box new, just for the party.
I suggested a 20-foot scratching post that the kids could scale, but my neighbors don't want the liability. Well then, you better hope nobody pops that cat, because it would surely interfere with air traffic control.
But it's gonna be great. We're gonna set up our tailgate chairs underneath The Two Story Inflatable Black Cat, drink our Hairballs, empty the litter box and figure out how we're gonna wean our kids off all this candy.