Moms Columns & Blogs

Seasons Change



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November 2009



The days are growing shorter, nights longer and echoes louder…  With the drop of every colored leaf, my spirit plummets in anticipation of the days yet to come.  The deepening shadows and biting chill warn of winter’s imminent arrival…the cracks permeating our scarcely held together life grow with every passing day…



Last weekend John played in a golf tournament at Pine Lake in memory of a young man who recently lost his fight with cancer.  Both John and Brian had occasion to meet and play golf with Ryan before he became ill.  I’m not entirely sure why John decided to participate; we had no real discussion about it beforehand.  I believe he must have wanted to show support for the father while honoring the son, if only from a distance.  It was a huge step for John to play in this event, but he underestimated the emotional toll it would take on him once he finished.  All the same, it was important to him to do it; he was glad he did.



I’m no wiser; I’ve been traveling the last few weeks to area high schools and/or driver’s education classes with the Mudges, sharing Brian’s story as part of their program.  Every time I tell our tale, it pierces my heart anew; I don’t know how to shut down the pain once I re-live that horrible day through my words...  In trying to convey the urgency I feel, I lose myself; it drains what little energy I have.  Someday, I hope to be as strong as Jerry, but I know I’ve many years to go; she just passed her 19th anniversary.  Nevertheless, if I ever get to the point where it doesn’t hurt, then it will be time for me to stop…



Grace and Beth have sensed the struggle of the season we have entered; having last year to compare makes it no easier to bear.  They work and retreat; Beth retires to her room and the cyberspace universe, Grace flees with friends to anywhere else.  Who can blame them? It is better to be busy and preoccupied with other things.  Soon enough, the holidays will be upon us; there will be no escaping from the empty place at our table…



Thankfully, I’ve got two bushels of apples to distract my hands and my mind for a while…



Wishing you sunshine and always, hope…tg



Tammy will update her blog on Mondays and Thursdays.  -- Jen, site administrator

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