Moms Columns & Blogs

It happened again



blog post photo







October, 2009



The sunshine beaming through my windshield feels wrong and inappropriate, given the tears streaming down my face.  Torrential rain would be more fitting… So fine is the line between joy and despair…



Not that I ever feel joy in the true sense of the word; but I was doing okay today…I was managing.  I left flowers at the cross in Pineville on my way to Darin’s office this morning; he drove us to our meeting on the other side of the City.  We made a presentation about Brian’s bracelets to another group of Charlotte area State Farm agents.  I was beyond nervous; there were more people this time and I accidentally let a tear slip out near the end of my part…  I have no idea what the outcome will be, if any will participate at all, but I did my best.  Hopefully it was enough…



When we got back at Darin’s office, I turned on my phone to check for messages before driving  to the office.  How I wish I hadn’t…



Another Thursday.  Another tragedy.  It happened again.  To the child of someone I know.



About the time Darin and I were sharing the story and mission behind Brian’s bracelets, a friend sent out an email, informing our tennis team of the car accident and requesting our prayers for the family.



From the top of the mountain to the bottom of the valley…



I don’t know her very well, but I’ve played tennis with her on more than one occasion, often enough to call her by name on sight.



Knowing what she is facing…the unbidden journey she is just beginning…it crushes me.  I remember those early hours of disbelief… confusion… nausea… denial… forced decision making…and it breaks my heart. 



Just as some people shunned us for fear of ‘catching’ whatever  brought Brian’s loss upon our family, I foolishly leaned toward the opposite: those we knew would be protected because it already happened…to us.



I’m not naïve or uninformed; I know this happens all over the world, every day.  For more reasons than I can possibly contemplate, parents are forced to do the unthinkable…  Like a moth to a flame, I suppose I will always be drawn to it now, especially when it involves a teenager and a car.  We've lost three from our area in wrecks this week alone…  Three more reasons to do what I’m doing…



The hell of it is, I just realized that despite living the nightmare myself, I know nothing worth saying to her at all...



Wishing you sunshine and always, hope…tg



Tammy will update her blog on Mondays and Thursdays.  -- Jen, site administrator    
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