Moms Columns & Blogs

Holiday madness



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December 2009



Decorations adorn every store…street corner…more than a few passing cars…  It’s the unifying theme on television…radio…newsprint…  The holiday season is undeniably underway…our second minus one…



All I want to do is hide.  The onslaught is relentless and inescapable, assaulting every sense I possess.  I withdraw to my safe haven, disappearing between the well-worn pages of a previously known book…  Nevertheless, I can only dodge reality for so long; Christmas will happen whether I am ready for it or not.  How will I ever be able to overcome my heavy heart and find the desire to participate once again?  Looking back to just a few years ago, it was effortless and easy, though I was too ignorant to appreciate it then…



In December 2006, we were in the midst of a complete kitchen remodel.  The thought of decorating and preparing for the holidays while living in a construction zone was overwhelming at times.  In the end, the chaos and layer of sheetrock dust didn’t matter; we were together, celebrating our first Christmas in our new (older) home.



When December 2007 rolled around, the last piece of the kitchen puzzle was in place.  The long-disputed (therefore unfinished) tile backsplash was finalized just in time to host the company Christmas party.  The main section of the house, nearly two years worth of John’s and Brian’s handiwork, was show worthy.  Christmas day was wonderful…little did we know…





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December 2008…lost under the veil…  I don’t care to actively remember what I cannot forget.  Against the odds, somehow, we survived his absence…  I keep thinking, “surely this year will be better”, though I’ve yet to figure how…



I suppose this is where “fake it ‘til you make it” becomes the way through the madness…the sadness…  You force yourself to act the grownup, the responsible adult, the role model, the mom…despite wanting to run away…  The rituals, the routines, the traditions must be carried on in some capacity…for the other’s sake, for his memory, if not for yourself…



I guess the only way to get through it is to do it...step by painful step.  Time to liberate the boxes from the attic…



Wishing you sunshine and always, hope…tg



Tammy will update her blog on Mondays and Thursdays.  -- Jen, site administrator

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