Moms Columns & Blogs

Resolutions to stand behind?

Well, it’s that time of year again to make my New Year’s resolutions

In 2012, I vow that I’ll read Dostoevsky at night instead of watching “Real Housewives of Orange County.” I’ll require my kids to make their beds every morning.

I’ll cut up my credit cards and never take the family out for junk food again. I’ll clean out all the clutter in my house and stop hollering at my kids. I will rotate my tires.

Oh, yeah. That would be my secret alter-ego doing those things. As for myself, I won’t be able to get around to them. Instead, here’s my list of Realistic Resolutions I can actually get on board with:

1. Buy more tequila.

2. Drink more tequila.

3. Make more chips and salsa to go with the tequila.

4. Watch more TV.

5. Take a deep breath - and then holler at my kids.

6. Run away from home for two hours each week. (See No. 2.)

7. Stop buying clothes for my teenagers they will never wear. Or even touch.

8. Smile at the crabby neighbors who glare at my deficient lawn.

9. Invite nice neighbors over more often, even though my house is a mess.

10. Improve my heart health by eating more chocolate and drinking more red wine.

Do you have some realistic resolutions?

Marla Jo Fisher was a workaholic before she adopted two foster kids several years ago. Now she juggles work and single parenting, while being exhorted from everywhere to be thinner, smarter, sexier, healthier, more frugal, a better mom, better dressed and a tidier housekeeper. Read her blog.