Tracy Lee Curtis

Tom Brady is the victim of lousy service

I don’t know anything about footballs, or air pressure, or the NFL’s acceptable range of pounds per square inch (PSI). But I do know something about customer service. And so I’m just wondering … why was Tom Brady being underserved?

Because when you order something, it’s not up to the person providing the service to make adjustments. Trust me. I know. I used to wait tables. And if somebody ordered a sweet tea, it wasn’t up to me to decide to give them a little less than what they asked for. I wouldn’t bring them an unsweetened tea. And if they asked for two lemons, I wouldn’t bring just one.

The NFL requires footballs to be inflated between 12.5 and 13.5 PSI. Tom Brady is clear that he likes his footballs at the low end of that range. He specifically said in his Deflate-Gate press conference, “I like them at the way that I like them, which is at 12.5. To me, that’s a perfect grip for the football.”

That’s his order. 12.5. He likes what he likes. And he’s a very specific guy. Sports Illustrated reported he eats a diet that is 80 percent alkaline, 20 percent acidic. That’s pretty calculated compared to the rest of us, who just shoot for the four basic food groups. And try to avoid carbs.

So Tom Brady asks for a pressure of 12.5. But his server decides to bring him less pressure than what he ordered, calling himself “The Deflator.” That would be like one of my customers ordering tater tots, but I decide to bring him fries. Calling myself “The Detator.” It’s stupid. And the customer would notice.

Do you think when Tom Brady orders a steak medium, and they bring it to him rare, that he doesn’t send it back? Or at the very least complain that it’s undercooked and that he can’t eat it? Then why doesn’t he get that football and complain that it’s underinflated and that he can’t throw it? And that the service in this place sucks.

And what if you’re getting 30 million dollars to throw that steak – you absolutely need it cooked properly. Because everybody knows raw and cooked meat differ in weight, as water and other juices evaporate through the culinary process.

And it’s not like you want to get your waitress fired, but you’re definitely not gonna leave her a tip. But the investigation found that The Deflator asked for shoes and signed footballs from Brady – that’s a pretty generous gratuity, considering the crummy service.

All I’m saying is that I’m surprised Tom Brady didn’t get what he specifically requested, yet he never called the manager, never sent it back, and then quite possibly left a fat tip. Because the rule is, when you wait on somebody you bring them what they want. Because the customer is always right.

Unless … Tom Brady totally forgot what he ordered.