Tracy Lee Curtis

Celebrities cause more air turbulence than babies

Great story last week about a mom and dad, flying with 5-month-old twins, who made care packages for all the passengers in anticipation of the babies being disruptive on the flight. Talk about the Friendly Skies.

They distributed bags with two Twizzlers, two Tootsie Rolls, a Hershey’s Kiss, earplugs and a note from the babies saying, “We’d like to apologize in advance if we get scared or our ears hurt on the plane on the way home. Our parents hope we sleep the whole way. However, to make sure that you’re happy too, please accept this bag as a token of our appreciation for your patience.”

That same week, supermodel Kate Moss had to be escorted off a flight by police due to her “disruptive behavior.” So where was her note? And were the passengers issued their care packages? Did Kate pass out little bags of products from her signature cosmetics line?

Because I promise you, if I’m on a plane and some celebrity disrupts the flight and we get delayed or turned around or have to land, they better have handed me a Starbucks latte, “Us Weekly,” earplugs and a voucher to buy jewelry in the airport.

The stories of groundings for bad behavior are nonstop. Christian Slater once tried to board with a pistol. Alec Baldwin, refusing to turn off his phone because he was playing Words With Friends, deplaned yelling and screaming. And Naomi Campbell threw a tantrum when told her bags weren’t on the flight and was booted while hitting, kicking and spitting.

Gerard Depardieu urinated on the cabin floor, a hammered David Hasselhoff teetered in the aisle, Courtney Love wouldn’t fasten her seat belt, and Ivana Trump charged the cockpit.

Those care packages had better include a “True Romance” DVD, dinner with all four Baldwin brothers, Naomi Campbell perfume, a Nirvana CD, and a long weekend in Trump Tower. I can’t think of anything Depardieu or Hasselhoff have to offer – I might just make them drive me to the Baldwins. And wash my car while we watch “30 Rock.”

But it seems to me that boarding with a dangerous toy, refusing to turn off your game, yelling, screaming, hitting, kicking, spitting, peeing, teetering, tottering, not buckling your seat belt and charging the cockpit are everything unruly children would do. And yet those sweet baby twins sat quietly on their flight.

So while it was a nice gesture on the part of the parents, I don’t think frequent fliers should come to expect this. Because every one of us has either had a baby on a plane, or been a baby on a plane, or has a friend or relative who’s had a baby on a plane. We should be doing something nice for those parents to make their travel easier – let us be the care package that’s distributed. Because our problem isn’t parents bringing their babies …

It’s celebrities bringing their baggage.

Curtis: tcurtis@charlotteobserver.com

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