I love these articles telling women how to be attractive to men – beyond turning on the football game and slicing up meatloaf. These tips seem geared toward young, never-before-married, childless women. But maybe they could work for us 40-something, divorced with kids, also wanting to be found attractive.
Like these “7 Essential Things That Men Find Attractive About A Woman,” from The Single Woman Guide:
“A cheerful woman – nothing turns a man off more than a depressed and mean attitude.” I get that. And I’d love to be cheerful. And when school starts two hours later and hair dye and SlimFast are covered by insurance, I won’t be mean or depressed. So this works.
“A well dressed woman – caring about what you put on and the way you apply some makeup.” Makeup? I don’t typically wear makeup to sell spirit wear in the school cafeteria, but I guess I can glob on some gloss. I care what I wear, but today it’s got to be a T-shirt from the middle school. Looking good is all relative – relative to which volunteer shift you’re working that day.
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“A flirty woman – do simple things like curling your lips or biting them slightly, raising your eyebrows when you make a smart remark.” Okay I’ve got this – if smart means smart aleck. And that lip biting, raising the eyebrows thing is me all day long, as I watch my kids attempt to clean, dress or cut food.
“A woman who shows some skin.” Uh, I don’t think so. I use Retin A. So I’m sensitive to sunlight. And haven’t these people ever heard of skin cancer?
“A woman who acknowledges a man’s stare – this is the first step in seduction and probably the most important.” I acknowledge all the time. But the second I say, “What are you looking at?” they usually just leave.
“A seductive voice – a low and soft voice is obviously more attractive.” And more effective on kids. In my house, when I drop an octave, my kids freeze. Combine it with that eyebrow raising, and they are just begging to load the dishwasher. I can growl too, so look out.
“A damsel in distress – this may actually be a man’s dream, to help out a woman in need.” This is great news. Grab a wrench and a ladder – there’s a hissing sound under the sink and the ceiling fan needs fixing. Mow the lawn, wash the car and fetch the fall clothes from the attic. And if this really is attractive, let’s just get married – I’ll make you a list. I’m the woman of your dreams – no shortage of distress and I make a mean meatloaf.
Huh – maybe these tips are universal. I’ll just need a good sunscreen.