The Emmys were interesting. I don’t watch a lot of the shows that were nominated and I don’t know who half those people are. But the bonus of the night was when the host, Andy Samberg, gave out the login information for his personal HBO Now account.
That’s kinda cool. I like HBO. And I really like anything that’s free. But of all the information Andy Samberg could have divulged, there are things I would have found much more interesting and useful …
Like Tina Fey’s cell phone number. You know he’s got it. And it’s not even like I’d use it. Well maybe just once to hear her outgoing message, I’m sure it’s hilarious. And then I’d put it in my contacts, so every time I go to call Time Warner Cable – which I promise you is every week – I would see Tina Fey right below it.
I wish he’d flashed Lorne Michaels’ net worth. I’m mildly curious. And then show a graph of SNL writer salaries charting what Chevy Chase made in 1975, Conan O’Brien in ’87, Stephen Colbert in ’96, Tina Fey in ’05 and Seth Myers in ’13. Or I could just call Tina and ask her.
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How about Kim Kardashian’s address? Again, I won’t over use it. I’ll just be there long enough to knock and say, “stop it.” And maybe Caitlyn Jenner’s address. I’ll just be there long enough to knock and say, “tell Kim to stop it.”
I would have appreciated the winning Powerball numbers. Lyrics to “Rock the Casbah.” Or the time it takes to kill a microbial population.
Maybe the answer to a burning question, like how long it takes to learn sign language? What possessed Gary Busey to do “Dancing with the Stars?” Where do food trucks go when they’re not serving food? Or what Trump’s speechwriters do with their free time?
Celebrity facts are nice. Like the number of times Larry King’s been married (it’s eight, sorry, I Googled it). Celebrity with the most arrests (Martin Sheen, I couldn’t wait). Number of times Martin Sheen has been arrested (66). What Martin Sheen keeps getting arrested for (while I think he’d make a terrific diamond thief, it’s actually his penchant for protesting).
How about some data? What percent of Americans leave Target with only the items they went in there for? (Gotta be less than 2 percent.) How many ways you can make change for a dollar? Or the odds of HBO making a documentary about Gary Busey becoming a salsa dancer.
So … while Andy’s login wasn’t the greatest bit of information, I did get a few hours of free HBO. And I like the shows, so I think I might start paying for it. Especially if they do the Gary Busey documentary. I’d totally pay to see that.
Curtis: firstname.lastname@example.org; @TracyLeeCurtis1