Tracy Lee Curtis

Contradicting resolutions keep us from making progress

Getting fit while spending less money is ridiculous. Do you know how much yoga costs?
Getting fit while spending less money is ridiculous. Do you know how much yoga costs?

I finally figured out why New Year’s resolutions never stick. It’s because they contradict each other. Doing one completely goes against the other. Take the top 10 most common New Year’s resolutions …

Lose weight and get fit, quit smoking, learn something new, eat healthier, spend less and save more, spend more time with family, travel to new places, be less stressed, volunteer and drink less.

See what I mean? Drinking and smoking are vices. So giving both of those up and then spending more time with family makes no sense. In a lot of cases, it’s that very family that started the drinking and the smoking in the first place.

Getting fit while spending less money is ridiculous. Do you know how much yoga costs? A single class costs more than a movie, and at least at the movies you can wear what you want. But for yoga you have to wear the yoga top, the yoga pants, and purchase the yoga mat and yoga pass. And the pants aren’t cheap. Which is why everybody wears them to the movies; they’re the only pants they own.

And you can’t lose weight and save money if you’re traveling to new places. Unless the new place you’re traveling to is yoga, but still … the pants. And when you’re spending all your money traveling to Italy, it’s also not likely that you’ll be less stressed, especially if you’re doing it with family, without drinking. And you’re not losing weight, because without the wine, you’re just eating the bread.

Just the notion that I have to start the new year by dieting, exercising, learning, visiting and traveling, all while not spending and saving, is enough stress to make me want to take to my bed until spring.

Maybe the new something that you learn is how to travel sober on a budget and consign yoga pants. Or spend more time with family on a treadmill. Spend less on exercise and save more by eating carrots and kale. Or get fit by running to the movie in your yoga pants and then saving money by sneaking into a double feature.

Maybe the answer is in the volunteering. Like volunteer somewhere that’s active with healthy food. Can you volunteer at the Farmers Market?

Actually, I know a way to kill all these resolution birds with one resolving stone. Volunteer at Vacation Church Camp. You lose weight running after kids, it doesn’t cost you anything, you’re spending time with your children, drinking and smoking is not permitted, presumably you’re traveling to a new place, there’s no stress in gluing and painting, and you learn how to make macaroni jewelry. And I know it’s healthy because the snack is always a granola bar and a juice box.

I don’t know. The double feature sounds better.