Tracy Lee Curtis

Wells Fargo golf tourney says no to (chair) sleeves

Planning my day at the Wells Fargo golf tournament, I click through the tournament website and read over the list of prohibited items. And one item immediately catches my eye:

“No Chair Bags ( Folding chairs are permitted – the sleeve that holds them is not).”

Thank you. Finally. Somebody who agrees that the “convenient” carrying bag is so unnecessary that it’s actually prohibited at the very event that the chair is encouraged. The sleeve people had it coming. Give us the product, but for heaven’s sake keep the aggravation of trying to shove it back into its synthetic shell.

I remember my first rain jacket that folded into a portable zippered pouch. You think I ever once got that thing perfectly pleated back into its puny pocket? Of course not. Because I didn’t have time to take an origami class after each downpour.

Same with my sleeping bag. It always took my twin sisters to fold it over and sit on all the edges while I slowly rolled it up into a tight tube. And then one would hold the case, while the other two of us blamed each other for not squeezing it tight enough, causing it to explode like a slinky. This is where Dad came in, whose answer to everything is bungee cords. And to this day, all our sleeping bags are bound in bungee.

But the beach tent tote people are the worst. Something you spent reading and eating underneath all day is not going willingly back into its sack. And not because the kids have been using it to collect shells in. But because nobody can figure out how to get the tent down. Once you use a power tool to dismantle a product, it becomes homeless. Unless you happen to save all those sleeping bag cases, which actually is not a bad idea for storing various pieces of tent, stakes and screws.

The umbrella sleeve people got it. They instinctively knew that something with a metal spine that pops out and covers a body ain’t never going back into something the size of a hospital straw. Their solution was to stitch on a strap with a snap.

Which really is all our chair needs. Spare us the embarrassment of trying to cram, jab and jam our chair back into its shell. Never remembering if it’s seat or feet first, torquing and twisting it harder and harder, like we’re operating some jackhammer, as we drill deep into the soccer field.

Besides, if you’re having to fold your chair like a napkin and shove it into its holder after every hole, you’re gonna miss a lotta golf. And if you carry your chair with one hand and the sleeve with the other, then you can’t carry your beer.

Besides, bags may be prohibited. But bungee isn’t.