Tracy Lee Curtis

Lovin’ the lip service this holiday season

I love the lip-gloss people – for inventing something that when I put it on, I immediately feel dressed. If I drag a comb through my hair, throw on my sunglasses and apply lip gloss, nobody knows I just rolled out of bed. They just assume that if your lip gloss is on, surely the rest of your face is done under those giant shades.

I wish they made the tubes bigger. Just because the ChapStick people made their product the size of a AA battery doesn’t mean the gloss needs to be small. Why not put it in a toothpaste tube? It’ll only get smaller in your purse as you squeeze and roll it from the bottom.

I get my lip gloss at the mall, and this time I plan to buy two tubes so if I can’t find one, I’ll have the spare hidden in the fridge. Yes, I like to refrigerate my lip gloss. Because it coagulates. And then it goes on thicker and stays on longer. Just pull your hair back, because if it sticks to your lips, it’s like walking into a spider web – you just can’t pick it off fast enough.

So I’m getting my two tubes of gloss and the saleswoman tells me that if I buy two, I get the third one free. Awesome. This means I can put one in my purse, one in my car and one in the fridge.

And then she says, if I buy three, I get three for free. Seriously? For an extra 10 dollars I can have lip gloss within reach wherever I go in this life? And always look like I’m either going somewhere, have been somewhere, or have someplace better to be? I’m in.

So I put one in my purse, one in the car, one in my briefcase, one at the office, and one in the fridge. And the sixth one I hide for emergencies behind a large gold glittered deer with tea lights in his antlers that I just put on my mantel for Christmas. This is key for when people show up at the house. Hit the deer before I open the door.

Six lip glosses and I’m using them all. I mean, what else would you want six of that you would scatter around your life so that you always had it at the ready?

The only thing I can think of is reading glasses. Which really would be helpful to have strewn about. But instead of the fridge, I’d put that sixth pair next to my bed. Although … the fridge is actually a good idea. Then they’d be there to help me read the microwave directions on the frozen waffles.

Anyway, I’m pretty happy with my deal. Whether I’m working, shopping, driving carpool, or just picking glitter off the fireplace, this holiday season I’ll look dressed, fresh and glossy.

Just don’t look under my sunglasses.

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