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Attention, morons everywhere: Stop blowing your grass clippings into the road. It shows your intelligence.

The Iraqi government seems to be on the verge of something the Democrats could not do: Get the Bush administration to accept a timetable for withdrawal from Iraq.

When the Iraqi government and the Bush administration agree on a timetable for withdrawal, will Sen. McCain criticize it or claim credit for it?

The headline says, “Police use of Tasers on rise.” What it doesn't say is that belligerent, assaulting, murdering, carjacking, etc., thugs are also on the rise, so Taser use should be on the rise, too.

Why is Russia so upset because the United States wants to install a missile system on its borders? I'm sure if they asked us we would voice no objection to their putting a missile system in Cuba or Canada.

I refuse to watch any of the Olympic TV coverage until they include NASCAR racing as an event.

The Democrats have a flexible sense of morality. John Edwards is banned from speaking at the convention for having an affair and lying about it, but Bill Clinton will be speaking.

My wife rushed through the door yelling, “Pack your bags, I won the lottery!” I asked, “Should I pack beach wear or mountain wear?” She said, “Doesn't matter. Just leave!”

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