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Laugh Attacks

JAY LENO

“President Bush announced that he will be working with Congress to use hundreds of billions of taxpayer dollars to restore confidence in the market. Actually, that was Bush's second choice to fix the problem. First choice? Invade Wall Street.”

“Senator Chris Dodd said that the bailout plan would put the Constitution at risk, to which Bush said, ‘Oh, please, we haven't used that old thing in years.'”

“Barack Obama said today the government's $700 billion bailout should not be a blank check. Barack Obama says he knows that $700 billion is a lot of money. In fact, it would take him at least 10 Hollywood fund raisers to come up with that kind of money.”

DAVID LETTERMAN

“Republican vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin is in town. John McCain took her over to the U.N. to introduce her to all the world leaders. It looked like Take Your Daughter to Work Day.”

“All these world leaders, while they're in New York City over there at the U.N., in their free time they're doing some shopping. The Japanese premiere, for example, earlier today got a great deal on Morgan Stanley.”

CONAN O'BRIEN

“President Bush gave a speech about the Wall Street financial crisis. The title of Bush's speech was ‘Two More Months and It Ain't My Problem.'”

JIMMY KIMMEL

“John McCain showed up without running mate Sarah Palin, which is a shame because she actually has a lot of experience with financial matters. You know, she lives right next to a bank.”

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