Statement from Jeannie Williams, whose son Jeffrey died at the Best Western in Boone in June 2013:
November 28, 2001, Jeffrey Lee Williams, our beautiful baby boy was born. I cradled this precious new life in my arms and promised to be the best mom for him that I could be. I promised to care for him, comfort him, laugh with him, cry with him, to help carry him through the difficult times and to rejoice with him during the happy times. I promised to just be... to be whatever he needed me to be.
When Jeffery was a baby he would nestle his sweet face into my chest and I would just hold on tightly. He was safe and secure in my arms. As a young boy, he would run and jump into our bed for our morning snuggle. We would wrap our arms around each other and relish the closeness of just being right beside each other, cold toes and all.
But in one instance, Jeffrey was ripped from my arms. My whole world was turned upside down on June 8, 2013 and all plans for our future were decimated. I will never be able to hold him again. I will never feel his loving embrace. How can words truly describe how Jeffrey’s death has “impacted” my life? It is almost impossible because there are too many areas of my life that will never be the same.
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Unless you have experienced the loss of a child, you will never truly understand the depth of the pain I live with each and every day. This pain will never diminish until I am reunited with Jeffrey in Heaven.
As I lay in the hospital ICU, I will never forget the sound of Jeff’s voice or the look in his eyes when he whispered to me the words ‘Jeffrey is with Jesus’. Inside I was screaming, but no one heard this because I was physically not able to. I could not cry the tears of a mother who knew at that very moment that my life had changed forever. How could I ever learn to live life without him?
There is a long list of hopes and dreams that Jeff, Breanne and I will never experience with Jeffrey. We will never take him to get his driver’s license. We will never sit in the audience and cry with tears of joy at his high school or college graduation. We will never have the delight of hearing him play the violin at his sister’s wedding. We will never hear the words “Mom and Dad, I’ve found the girl I want to marry.” We will never have the panicked phone call in the middle of the night saying “we are on our way to the hospital, you will be grandparents soon.”
This is a small list of what I know would have been a wonderful life shared together.
I am eternally grateful for so many sweet memories of my son who loved Jesus and whose heart was focused on others. They say a picture is worth a thousand words and I am grateful for eleven years of images that will remind me of our life together. But will I remember what his sweet voice sounded like when he told me he loved me? Will I remember what it felt like to have his arms wrapped around me? What if I forget?
People have asked me if this hearing will bring me closure. That is a well-intended but thoughtless question. There will never be closure. Jeffrey is the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about before I go to bed. I ask God to give me His strength to get through each day without my sweet Jeffrey.
Some days are bad and some days are worse and yes, there are moments in each day that I find joy. I love my husband, Jeff and our daughter, Breanne, from the core of my soul. But until I am reunited in Heaven with Jeffrey, my life will be impacted forever by the loss of a bright, beautiful light that should have been shining in this world for years and years to come.
Jeffrey, I ache to hear your voice and feel your touch every day. I ache to hear your voice say “bye Mom I love you” as you run out the door with your dad. My life is forever impacted by the way you lived your life and my life will forever be impacted by the void that is on this earth without you. I love you, Jeffrey and though you are not here on this earth with me, I will forever be your loving mom.