Mark Washburn

20 things never said hereabouts

It was such a breeze coming in on I-77 today. Oh, wait.
It was such a breeze coming in on I-77 today. Oh, wait. File photo

It is time once again to report on the 20 things you never hear around Charlotte.

Ear-wise readers know these phrases never get uttered. No one knows why.

1 Honey, it looks like snow. Let’s postpone that trip to Harris Teeter until tomorrow.

2 I have no problem with transgender people in the bathroom.

3 It was such a breeze coming in on I-77 today.

4 Those new apartment buildings in South End look like they’ll age gracefully.

5 I wish my bosses would talk more about what millennials want.

6 Where to go? There are so many places to eat on Sundays in uptown.

7 I can’t wait for the streetcar.

8 Coffee prices are certainly reasonable in this town.

9 I stop when the light turns yellow.

10 I need to go shopping for something elegant to wear to Speed Street.

11 Fortunately, they’re going to do a major upgrade of our computer system, which will solve all the problems.

12 This road work on Independence Boulevard certainly has fixed things up.

13 We should get in touch with the historic preservation board before we decide to tear down that old building.

14 Hope the NASCAR Hall of Fame isn’t crowded this weekend.

15 I pay every time I get on the light rail.

16 C’mon dad. Let’s take a ride on the new roller coaster before we leave. It’ll only take a minute.

17 Our CEO deserves that bonus for doing such a good job reducing labor costs.

18 I’m still kicking myself for not investing in that Eastland Mall movie studio.

19 Let’s take the boys out to one of those fancy new restaurants with giant plates and tiny portions.

20 My lawn needs rain.

Washburn: 704-358-5007;

Twitter: @WashburnChObs.

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