Mark Washburn

Honestly, the lies we tell our mothers ...

Observer Columnist Mark Washburn
Observer Columnist Mark Washburn

Happy Mother’s Day, Ma. You may not know this, but the fact is, I may not have been technically, 100 percent honest every single time.

That’s because the most important relationship we have in life – that with our parents – is completely built on mutual deception.

Here, then, are the common lies we tell our mothers:

▪  We were riding around looking at the Christmas lights and talking about our wonderful family holiday traditions and just lost track of time.

▪  I’ve been in the library all week working on a big paper and didn’t realize my cell phone had died.

▪  I didn’t know what was going on – I walked in, like, literally one second ahead of the cops.

▪ I’m not worried. I’m sure his job at the bank is safe.

▪  That was so nice of Aunt Bunky to make me a bean pie. Unfortunately, I just started on a new diet.

▪  I’ll pay you back Friday.

▪  No way I was going that fast.

▪ I promise I’ll walk it and clean up after it.

▪  I just don’t know what’s wrong with the Postal Service. Your Mother’s Day card should have arrived yesterday.

▪  Don’t fret – I’ll keep the wedding affordable.

▪  We’re just playing video games. I’ll be home soon.

▪  After what you paid for my braces? Of course I floss twice a day.

▪  I’ll be moving out next month.

▪  I don’t know where that dent came from. Somebody must have hit it in the church parking lot.

▪  Of course I’m supporting McCrory.

▪  Thanks for the birthday check. I spent it on textbooks.

▪  No, she’s a nice girl. I met her at Mass.

▪  Of course he’s got a job. I don’t date losers.

▪  Everyone else’s parents are OK with it.

▪  You’ll be sorry someday you were so strict with me. You’ll see.