Mark Washburn

Honestly, the lies we tell our mothers ...

Observer Columnist Mark Washburn
Observer Columnist Mark Washburn jsimmons@charlotteobserver.com

Happy Mother’s Day, Ma. You may not know this, but the fact is, I may not have been technically, 100 percent honest every single time.

That’s because the most important relationship we have in life – that with our parents – is completely built on mutual deception.

Here, then, are the common lies we tell our mothers:

▪  We were riding around looking at the Christmas lights and talking about our wonderful family holiday traditions and just lost track of time.

▪  I’ve been in the library all week working on a big paper and didn’t realize my cell phone had died.

▪  I didn’t know what was going on – I walked in, like, literally one second ahead of the cops.

▪ I’m not worried. I’m sure his job at the bank is safe.

▪  That was so nice of Aunt Bunky to make me a bean pie. Unfortunately, I just started on a new diet.

▪  I’ll pay you back Friday.

▪  No way I was going that fast.

▪ I promise I’ll walk it and clean up after it.

▪  I just don’t know what’s wrong with the Postal Service. Your Mother’s Day card should have arrived yesterday.

▪  Don’t fret – I’ll keep the wedding affordable.

▪  We’re just playing video games. I’ll be home soon.

▪  After what you paid for my braces? Of course I floss twice a day.

▪  I’ll be moving out next month.

▪  I don’t know where that dent came from. Somebody must have hit it in the church parking lot.

▪  Of course I’m supporting McCrory.

▪  Thanks for the birthday check. I spent it on textbooks.

▪  No, she’s a nice girl. I met her at Mass.

▪  Of course he’s got a job. I don’t date losers.

▪  Everyone else’s parents are OK with it.

▪  You’ll be sorry someday you were so strict with me. You’ll see.

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