Happy Mother’s Day, Ma. You may not know this, but the fact is, I may not have been technically, 100 percent honest every single time.
That’s because the most important relationship we have in life – that with our parents – is completely built on mutual deception.
Here, then, are the common lies we tell our mothers:
▪ We were riding around looking at the Christmas lights and talking about our wonderful family holiday traditions and just lost track of time.
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▪ I’ve been in the library all week working on a big paper and didn’t realize my cell phone had died.
▪ I didn’t know what was going on – I walked in, like, literally one second ahead of the cops.
▪ I’m not worried. I’m sure his job at the bank is safe.
▪ That was so nice of Aunt Bunky to make me a bean pie. Unfortunately, I just started on a new diet.
▪ I’ll pay you back Friday.
▪ No way I was going that fast.
▪ I promise I’ll walk it and clean up after it.
▪ I just don’t know what’s wrong with the Postal Service. Your Mother’s Day card should have arrived yesterday.
▪ Don’t fret – I’ll keep the wedding affordable.
▪ We’re just playing video games. I’ll be home soon.
▪ After what you paid for my braces? Of course I floss twice a day.
▪ I’ll be moving out next month.
▪ I don’t know where that dent came from. Somebody must have hit it in the church parking lot.
▪ Of course I’m supporting McCrory.
▪ Thanks for the birthday check. I spent it on textbooks.
▪ No, she’s a nice girl. I met her at Mass.
▪ Of course he’s got a job. I don’t date losers.
▪ Everyone else’s parents are OK with it.
▪ You’ll be sorry someday you were so strict with me. You’ll see.