Mark Washburn

Here are 20 things you never hear said in Charlotte

I’ve been listening hard and can tell you with authority that I never hear the following phrases uttered in Charlotte.

• They’re doing such a good job making the airport hassle-free.

• I never knew before what a great team the Knights were.

• Slapping this toll on I-77 to Lake Norman is such a brilliant idea, we should do it to the highways I drive on.

• I’ll never get tired of hearing the kids sing that song from “Frozen.”

• After checking out those snazzy escalators, I can see why we needed to give $87 million to the Panthers.

• Exit 36 in Mooresville always reminds me of Paris.

• Oh, no! We’ve lost another tire factory to rural South Carolina.

• This latest kerfuffle is just the thing that was needed to mature P.J. Hairston.

• It doesn’t astonish me at all how DUI checkpoints snare only a handful of drunks, but dozens of unlicensed drivers.

• I just love my cable company.

• Ever notice how the people demonstrating outside Duke Energy headquarters look absolutely normal?

• I wish I were on the Union County school board.

• Even though there’s no money to widen our roads, I’m glad N.C. 12 gets rebuilt on the Outer Banks after every storm.

• Running express buses to the airport from the malls, but not letting you leave your car there, was a fantastic idea.

• Could’ve happened to anybody. Let Chiquita keep the incentives.

• What’s that long line outside the NASCAR museum?

• I was shocked when I heard that the movie studio at Eastland Mall fell through.

• I knew all along nobody would come to uptown for baseball.

• It’s so cute when the light turns green and the driver in front of you doesn’t notice because he’s got his nose in his phone.

• Although our state image has suffered lately, electing Clay Aiken to Congress should turn that around.