Mark Washburn

Like the city, I’ve got some debts to cancel

Thank you in advance for canceling my car loan.

As you may know, when I asked for money, it was with the understanding that I would become Hot Stuff and folks would shower me with gobs of cash. Due to unforeseen circumstances, called reality, this all-but-certain outcome did not occur within a time frame beneficial to our wildest imaginings.

Therefore, I think it best if we just call it quits. No hard feelings. It isn’t you, it’s me. Let’s still be friends.

Fondly,

City of Charlotte

Thank you in advance for canceling my mortgage.

While it may cause some temporary hardship with your shareholders on some molecular level, I know you’ll agree that your best long-term interests are served by erasing this inconvenient debt at once.

While reasonable people can disagree, I think we both share the knowledge that perhaps you failed to notice the over-valuation of the property back then. This happened a long time ago, and nothing is to be gained by analyzing who did what and to whom.

Yes, I am aware of the contract that probably exists somewhere, but, really, it’s just a sheet of paper with ink. We needn’t let it stand in the way of what’s ultimately best for both parties in terms of business and reputation. Particularly yours.

Yours truly,

City of Charlotte

Thank you so much for doing the right thing.

Yes, I know that’s something you rarely hear from valued customers in the hurly-burly, go-go world of business these days, but I simply could not let this opportunity pass without thanking you for zeroing out my credit card bill.

Though I know this debt cancellation may come as a surprise, I want you to understand what a pleasant one it will be for you and your board once you give it only a moment of consideration. No longer will you need to compound that old-style interest monthly and send bills and notices that require postage. You’ll no longer have to engage those high-priced attorneys to compose menacing letters to me demanding millions be repaid.

You’ll be free of that burden as will I. And afterward, please swing by because I’d like to show my appreciation by presenting you a personalized plaza brick at only half-price.

Don’t thank me. No, no. Thank you, hero.

City of Charlotte

This will serve as a final notice in our chain of correspondence regarding my student loan. You may consider our relationship severed. No further contact is desired.

It’s just best all around that you smite that debt with a stroke of a key. Things didn’t work out, see, and that’s that.

I think we both got an education. I certainly did.

Bug off.

City of Charlotte

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