Politics & Government

Don’t like the presidential frontrunners? You have choices

John McAfee announces his candidacy for president on Wednesday, Sept. 9, 2015 in Opelika, Ala. McAfee will form the Cyber Party.
John McAfee announces his candidacy for president on Wednesday, Sept. 9, 2015 in Opelika, Ala. McAfee will form the Cyber Party. AP

Fifteen Republicans will gather at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library on Wednesday night for their second presidential debate. If none of them tickle your fancy, don’t worry.

There are plenty of others to choose from.

From Gifford Abbott Jr. of York, Pa., to Daniel Zutler of Port Richey, Fla., 1,101 people have formally filed for president with the Federal Election Commission.

That includes six from Charlotte and 44 from North Carolina.

Voters can choose hopefuls from the Bull Moose, Federalist, Communist, Human Rights and One Earth parties. There are two from the Alaskan Independence Party – one from Indianapolis and one from Nashville.

Some candidates are actually serious.

Charlotte’s Robby Wells has traveled through 37 Iowa counties in a giant blue bus with the slogan, “Rise Up!” And he aims to cover the state.

“Good Lord willing, and if people see it our way, we’ll win the White House,” the former football coach said a few weeks ago.

Darrell Trigg of Rogersville, Tenn., called the other day to make sure we knew about his campaign. Running under the banner of The Christian Party, he wants the Bible taught in every public school and university. “God will be asked to be an integral part of the government of the U.S.,” he says on his website.

I’d love to see him debate King Satan of Hebron, Ky. Or with Satan Lord of Underworld Prince of Darkness!, a Republican from College Station, Texas.

Inspired by billionaire Donald Trump, wealthy software designer John McAfee is among the latest entrants. A former fugitive from authorities in Belize and arrested for DUI just last month in Tennessee, he calls political experience overrated.

“I’d rather have a Trump, or I’d rather have a man on the street who has no knowledge of government,” he told Politico this week.

Then there’s Charlotte’s David Baucom, son of strip club owner strip club operator David “Slim” Baucom, who prosecutors said gave illegal cash to former mayor Patrick Cannon. The elder Baucom wasn’t charged.

Sara Paylin has filed on the Jewish/Christian National party ticket. She listed the uptown Charlotte address of the Stewart engineering firm, where employees insist they’ve never heard of her.

Then they probably don’t know Brystol S. Palyn, a candidate from Troy, Mi.

If Hillary Clinton’s declining “honest and trustworthy” ratings don’t bother you, you might like independents Sneaky Pete of Pittsburgh, or Cranky Pants of Litchfield Park, Ariz.

Not a Trump fan? Check out Republican Tronald J. Dump of New York or Donald Tramp of Miramar, Fla. and the U.S. Taxpayers Party.

Like fighters? There’s Rocky Balboa of Gladstone, Mo., Jason Borne of Boca Raton, Fla., and Jack Sparrow of Lincoln City, Ore. If you don’t care about rules, there’s Kim Jong Un, an independent from Tampa.

Think it’s all a little wacky? Try Bippy the Clown of California or Buddy the Elf from North Pole, Alaska. Or even Porcupines R. Spikey Jr., who lists his address as Porcupine, N.C.

Pet fanciers might gravitate to Seymour Cats of Pennsylvania or Very Odd Dog from Piddly Lane in Chicago. Or Limberbutt McCubbins, an actual cat from Louisville who, according to his website, favors affordable spaying and neutering.

Still can’t decide?

You might want to check out socialist Not Sure of Wheeling, W.Va.

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