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Laugh Attacks: Humorists’ comments on politics and public affairs

Meyers
Meyers AP

SETH MEYERS

“After claiming the election is rigged, Donald Trump said at a rally last week that the country should, quote, ‘Just cancel the election and give it to Trump.’ And then, FBI director James Comey said, ‘OK.’ 

“Trump supporter Newt Gingrich last night accused Fox News’ Megyn Kelly of being ‘fascinated with sex’ by continuing to report on women accusing Donald Trump of inappropriate behavior. Newt, there’s a difference between being ‘fascinated by sex’ and being ‘horrified by sexual assault.’ It’s kind of like Beyoncé and Rihanna — everyone knows the difference except old white men.”

“A school in California is testing a new program that forgoes traditional teachers and has students teach and grade each other’s classwork. So good luck to the students at Straight A’s Academy!”

STEPHEN COLBERT

“Trump’s surrogates are doing just what the passengers on the ‘Titanic’ did — remaining calm on the ship and talking about how great it is.”

“The polls are tightening. The latest ABC News/ Washington Post poll has Donald Trump moving ahead of Hillary Clinton by one point as enthusiasm declines. Though, to be fair, any time Trump gets close to a woman, enthusiasm tends to decline.”

“Democratic contributor Donna Brazile has resigned from CNN after WikiLeaks revealed she leaked a primary debate question to the Clinton campaign. Turns out the question was about lead poisoning in Flint, Michigan. So, finally, someone lost their job over Flint.”

JIMMY FALLON

“While hosting their final White House Halloween party yesterday, first lady Michelle Obama actually told the kids, ‘Hey! Candy for everybody!’ Then Barack looked around and was like, ‘OK, who’s that in the Michelle Obama costume?’ 

“Hillary Clinton got quite a scare that night. I guess a trick-or-treater came to the door dressed as a lie detector.”

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