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Laugh Attacks: Humorists’ comments on politics and public affairs

O’Brien
O’Brien Getty Images

CONAN O’BRIEN

“Donald Trump said he will not try and send Hillary Clinton to jail. After hearing this, Bill Clinton said, ‘Hey, you promised.’ 

“Trump was seen wearing a hat that says ‘45’ on the side, signifying that he will be the 45th president. Or the total number of days before he quits being president. He’s like, ‘It’s been fun — it’s been a fun month and a half. You take it from here, Pence.’ 

JIMMY FALLON

“Monday was Cyber Monday, which means Tuesday was ‘Russia has your credit card info Tuesday.’ 

“Trump went on Twitter to claim that he actually won the popular vote if you deduct the millions of illegal voters and that any recount will change nothing. Speaking of nothing changing, Trump won and still says the election was rigged.”

“The Secret Service protecting Donald Trump might have to rent two floors of Trump Tower, forcing taxpayers to pay $3 million in rent back to Trump’s company. Trump said that is absolutely not true and the rent is $4 million.”

“Protecting Donald Trump and his family will cost New York City taxpayers over $1 million a day. Then Trump was like, ‘Thank God I’m not a taxpayer!’ 

“Donald Trump claimed that he decided to settle the Trump University lawsuits so he could focus on running the country. Then he went back to tweeting insults at the cast of ‘Hamilton.’ 

SETH MEYERS

“President Obama awarded 21 people with the Presidential Medal of Freedom. Said Obama, “You’re free! Quick, go before he sees you!’ 

“After the cast of Broadway’s ‘Hamilton’ addressed Mike Pence, Donald Trump demanded they apologize and tweeted, ‘The Theater must always be a safe and special place.’ To which Muslims replied, ‘Two tickets to the theater, please!’ 

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