Viewpoint

Laugh Attacks: Humorists’ comments on politics and public affairs

Meyers
Meyers AP

SETH MEYERS

“Donald Trump began his post-election victory tour last week. Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton has wandered so far into the woods she found the Blair Witch.”

“Donald Trump reportedly invited the leader of the Philippines to the White House next year despite the fact that he previously told President Barack Obama to go to hell. Obama was like, ‘Oh, I’m already there. I’m already there.’ 

“Ben Carson has accepted Donald Trump’s offer to be secretary of Housing and Urban Development, despite previously saying he did not feel qualified to lead a governmental department. But he changed his mind because he stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night.”

CONAN O’BRIEN

“The hearse carrying Fidel Castro’s remains broke down and had to be pushed. The hearse was being driven by Cuba’s minister of metaphors.”

“Al Gore met with Donald Trump to discuss climate change. To try to explain it in terms Trump would understand, Gore said, ‘The planet is getting hotter than your daughter Ivanka.’ 

“This is a true story: For his secretary of defense, Donald Trump has chosen a retired Marine general whose nickname is Mad Dog. So sleep well, America!”

“Mitt Romney is being mocked by many Republicans for going to a fancy French dinner with Donald Trump. It’s also not helping that afterwards, Romney let Trump get to third base.”

“The federal government is planning to forgive $100 billion of student debt. So, congratulations to six USC grads.”

“The CEO of Starbucks announced he’s stepping down. He’s going to become the CEO of the Starbucks across the street.”

“Trump had his third top secret intelligence briefing. If you’d like to know the details, just check his Twitter feed.”

  Comments