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Laugh Attacks: Humorists’ comments on politics and public affairs

O’Brien
O’Brien Getty Images

CONAN O’BRIEN

“Russian officials said they may ban the new ‘Beauty and the Beast’ movie because of its gay character. Then Vladimir Putin had to excuse himself for a shirtless photo shoot atop a stallion.”

“Donald Trump issued a new travel ban that is less restrictive than his first one. This one bans some Muslims and all women who haven't been able to lose the baby weight.”

“A new financial app from JP Morgan can now do in seconds what it once took Wall Street financiers 360,000 hours to accomplish. That’s right, the app wrecks the global economy.”

“The accountants at PricewaterhouseCoopers who botched the Oscars have received death threats. The FBI tried to investigate, but the accountants handed them the wrong hate mail.”

“Trump tweeted that President Obama tapped his phones at Trump Tower. Trump said it was particularly upsetting because he’s a private man who likes to keep his thoughts to himself.”

“It’s come out that Trump Administration Press Secretary Sean Spicer was the White House Easter Bunny in the early 2000s. Or as Spicer calls it ‘back when I had some dignity.’ 

JAMES CORDEN

“Apparently Trump believes (Obama tapped his phones at Trump Tower) because he read about it in Breitbart News. He just read about it and believed it. I’m like, ‘Quick, someone write a fake news story about Trump resigning.’ 

STEPHEN COLBERT

“Last week while he was in Florida, out of nowhere, Trump tweeted: ‘Terrible! Just found out that Obama had my wires tapped in Trump Tower just before the victory. Nothing found. This is McCarthyism!’ Just like that, the White House had to reset their sign (The President Has Worked __Days Without a Twitter Freakout) back to zero. So sad. They’d gotten up to, like, five days. It was a new record.”

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