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Laugh Attacks: Humorists’ comments on politics and public affairs

Meyers
Meyers AP

SETH MEYERS

“A restaurant opened in London specializing in airline-style food. And if you like your steak a little bloody, order it ‘United.’ 

“A New Jersey restaurant has begun selling a massive taco-covered pizza for $75. ‘Seems a little steep,’ said a customer who was looking at the three steps in front of the restaurant.”

STEPHEN COLBERT

“Trump sent Ivanka to Berlin to participate in a women’s conference, making her the first Trump to attend a women’s conference that didn’t include a swimsuit competition.”

She “spoke on a panel titled, ‘Inspiring Women: Scaling Up Women’s Entrepreneurship.’ And the Trump family has a long history of inspiring women — to march, to sue, to flee from a dressing room.”

“Huge election last night in Georgia’s 6th District. It was an unusual election. It was what’s called a ‘jungle primary,’ because like every election this year, it will probably end in madness and cannibalism.”

“Sure enough, Ossoff only got 48.1 percent of the vote. If he had gotten over 50 percent of the vote, he would have won outright, but he got less than the majority, so now I think he gets to be president of the United States.”

JIMMY FALLON

“Trump did an interview the other day where he said that he never realized that being president was such a big responsibility. And somewhere far, far away, Hillary Clinton crushed the wine glass she was holding.”

“Chelsea Clinton recently said that when her mom traveled, she would leave a note for her every day that she was gone. Though every day the note just read, ‘Keep an eye on your father.’ 

CONAN O’BRIEN

“In Germany, Ivanka Trump told a crowd that her father is a champion of supporting families, and she got booed. Ivanka said she was surprised; she’s always been told to open with a joke.”

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