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Laugh Attacks: Humorists’ comments on politics and public affairs

AP

JIMMY FALLON

“The White House invited reporters to bring their kids with them for Take Your Kids to Work Day. Or as Trump calls it, every day.”

“It was really sweet. Trump asked the kids what they want to be when they grew up, and then they asked Trump what he wants to be when he grows up.”

“I want to say happy birthday to first lady Melania Trump, who turned 47 years old . . . They celebrated like they always do: making sure Donald has something to unwrap too, so he doesn’t feel left out.”

“I read that the Republicans’ spending package does not include any money for Trump’s border wall. Then Trump told his secretary, ‘Get me the CEO of Lego.’ 

CONAN O’BRIEN

“President Trump is considering opening federal park land to developers. In fact, builders have already broken ground on a Bed, Bath & Grand Canyon.”

“A new study says that the first humans to arrive in what is now North America may have been Neanderthals. Apparently they came here to vote in the 2016 election.”

“t was announced today that Kelly Ripa’s new co-host will be Ryan Seacrest. Seacrest was relieved, and said those 20 minutes he wasn’t on television were the scariest of his life.”

 

SETH MEYERS

“President Trump said yesterday that being president has been a big burden on his family. ‘Yes, but somehow we manage,’ said Melania from her penthouse in New York.”

“In an interview, President Trump questioned why America fought the Civil War. Even worse, then he questioned whom America fought in the Civil War. ‘Wait, I know this one. Was it China?’ 

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