If there was a March Madness bracket for the Observer’s 20th limericks contest, we have a good idea who a couple of our No. 1 seeds would be.
Their competition does, too. Isn’t that right, Charlotte Haberyan?
March Madness is moving along.
There's a streak that is still going strong.
We should all be so lucky –
No, the limericks of Wes and John Long.
What makes March Madness special, however, is surprises. And this week, someone named Long did not take home the title.
Our Week 2 winner is Joel Zauss of Charlotte, who first took on Charlotte’s trangender bathroom debate.
We all should have seen this one coming
And opposite sides have been scrumming.
If your gender has changed
Or you’ve been rearranged
Use the loo that best matches your plumbing.
Zauss also had something to say about a controversial Ritz-Carlton “service charge” for customers during CIAA Tournament week.
If they said yours was large you'd be flattered.
Now it’s time some perceptions were shattered.
Tell C I double A
When they come here to play
It’s tipping where size really matters.
Stanley’s John Long, our Week 1 winner, also wondered about the Ritz-Carlton fee.
At this lounge, turns out if you’re blacker,
They assume that for tips, you’re a slacker,
And they add on a fee,
So it’s cheaper, you see,
If you dine at the Ritz as a cracker.
Long noticed, too, that U.S. Rep. Robert Pittenger put together a helpful handbook for terror preparation.
Robert Pittenger wants you protected,
From the terror attacks he’s projected.
His brochure is just fine,
Till you reach section nine:
“What To Do If Ms. Clinton’s Elected.”
Long’s son, Wes Long of Cramerton, had some thoughts about the Charlotte man who’s frustrating his neighbors by standing naked in a doorway.
To his north Charlotte neighbor’s dismay,
He disrobed and went out to survey
The day’s weather, no doubt,
And it looked so good out
He decided to leave it that way.
Charlotte’s Bill McGloughlin also zeroed in on the naked man.
Though it rattles his neighbors’ composure,
Cops say it’s not indecent exposure,
So he stands in his door,
You can bet that he’s for
Sunshine laws, and of course, full disclosure.
McGloughlin also would be one of our high seeds in a limericks bracket. But he knows that he, too, needs to be at the top of his game.
If the Longs are the Yanks, like I hear,
Does that make me the Red Sox? Oh, dear!
Not sure I’ll be alive
Which might be my next championship year.
Email next week’s entries to email@example.com by next Wednesday at 9 a.m.
Here are the best of the rest this week:
Stephen Kardisco of Hickory on Vladimir Putin, who was out of the public eye last week:
Our spooks have searched both far and near,
In an effort to find Vladimir.
But God only knows,
He's where nobody goes,
At the NASCAR museum right here.
Kardisco, on Hillary Clinton:
For pols I just don't give a hoot.
The elections are far off to boot.
But if I may opine,
With a theory of mine,
Nixon's back and he's in a pants suit.
Bill Wortman, Jr., a Charlotte gynecologist for 32 years, has some thoughts on transgenders and bathrooms.
If you stoop, sit, or lean when you ‘go’,
It’s really no matter, and so,
If you chose to rename
It’s how well you can aim
That determines which room’s apropos.
J.C. Reynolds of Hickory on Harris Teeter allowing open carry of guns in its stores
Your guns are welcome in our store
Bring two, three heck even more
But if you have to shoot
Watch out for our fruit
We don't want a cleanup on aisle four
Paul Caruso of Hickory has some thoughts on the I-77 toll lanes.
Upper crusts want toll lanes, it’s true.
Paying fares is easy to do.
They’ll peel off a ten’ner,
To be home by dinner,
While you sit in your car and stew.
Wes Long of Cramerton wonders about Sen. Ted Cruz’s contentions that global warming is not supported by data.
The scientists gathered around,
Their finding’s the talk of the town.
They believe, in one week,
If Ted Cruz didn’t speak,
The globe may begin to cool down.
Finally, Terry Cross let her sixth-grade class at Covenant Classical School try some limericks on the Middle East, which the class has been studying. Here’s our favorite, from Micaiah Thomas:
Why must the Middle East fight?
Every single day and night?
Signs of war aren't new
There isn't much we can do
Fighting seems to be their delight.