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Laugh Attacks: Humorists’ comments on politics and public affairs

O’Brien
O’Brien Getty Images

A new report says that Donald Trump once shifted charitable donations for sick kids into his own business. Trump referred to the charity as the ‘Take a Wish Foundation.’

Conan O’Brien

CONAN O’BRIEN

“The ‘Wonder Woman’ movie shattered the glass ceiling, breaking $100 million in box office sales. In fact, the only way “Wonder Woman” could have done better is if she had campaigned in Wisconsin.”

“Several panelists on Fox News accused ‘Wonder Woman’ of not being American enough because her costume isn’t red, white and blue. They’re also saying to really be American, it should be a double XL.”

“15 new features were revealed about the upcoming iPhone 8. The biggest new feature is the battery that only lasts until the announcement of the iPhone 9.”

“Former FBI Director James Comey did not want to be left alone in a room with Donald Trump. Which is why James Comey was just named an honorary Miss Universe contestant.”

“It’s been reported that Attorney General Jeff Sessions has offered to resign. President Trump told him, ‘That won’t be necessary, I’m taking you down with me.’ 

SETH MEYERS

 ‘Wonder Woman’ made $100 million at the box office this weekend. Meanwhile, Wonder Man made $121 million for doing the same job.”

STEPHEN COLBERT

“The White House announced today that they’re kicking off ‘Infrastructure Week.’ It’s like Shark Week, except American infrastructure might actually kill you.”

“It started with Trump’s plan to turn the air traffic control functions of the FAA into a nonprofit. Although, to be fair, any company Trump runs is eventually nonprofit.”

JIMMY FALLON

“Trump’s causing a lot of problems with the things he’s tweeted, but the White House says he isn’t concerned with being politically correct. Then they clarified their statement and said he isn't even concerned about being correct.”

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