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Laugh Attacks: Humorists’ comments on politics and public affairs

Meyers
Meyers AP

A new poll found that only 37 percent of voters think President Trump is honest. Or as Trump put it — 100 percent.

Seth Meyers

SETH MEYERS

“First lady Melania Trump and son Barron officially moved into the White House. Unfortunately, during the move, someone left the gate open and Sean Spicer ran away.”

“According to a new poll, Americans find former FBI Director James Comey to be more trustworthy than President Trump. Also, more Americans prefer Pepsi to the bottle marked ‘rat poison.’ 

“President Trump did not post on Twitter during James Comey’s Senate testimony. Well, he thought he did, but his aide switched his phone with a Speak & Spell.”

“Starbucks announced that it will be teaming up with Lady Gaga to release a line of summer drinks — to wear.”

STEPHEN COLBERT

“Comey understood Trump had the right to fire him, but he didn’t buy the official explanation — that it was how he treated candidate Hillary Clinton. ‘That didn’t make sense to me for a whole bunch of reasons, including the time and all the water that had gone under the bridge since those hard decisions had to be made.’ I remember that bridge. I think it’s the one they threw Hillary off to see if she was a witch.”

CONAN O’BRIEN

“First lady Melania Trump has officially, as of today, moved into the White House. In a related story, Donald Trump just moved from the Lincoln Bedroom to the Lincoln Couch.”

“President Trump is so worried about protests that he is postponing his upcoming trip to England. Trump is also worried he doesn’t have time to learn the language.”

“James Comey testified that every time he thought President Trump was lying, he wrote it down. Which explains why Comey was just rushed to the hospital for carpal tunnel syndrome.”

“Paul Ryan defended Donald Trump’s behavior, saying, ‘The president’s new at this.’ Ryan said, ‘And by “this” I mean “following the law.”  

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