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Laugh Attacks: Humorists’ comments on politics and public affairs

AP

JIMMY FALLON

“It came out that under the Republican health care plan, 22 million people will lose their health insurance over the next decade. Twenty-two million — or as Trump put it, ‘Wow, that’s like half my inauguration crowd.’ 

“President Trump said that Obama copied him by calling the Republican health care bill ‘mean.’ And then Obama said Trump copied him by spending the last six months doing nothing.”

“Actually, though, Obama is taking some heat right now, because it came out that two senators tried to warn him that Russia was trying to hack the election and he ignored them. Trump promises that if he ever gets top secret information about Russia, he'll do the responsible thing and tweet it.”

“A child development expert has sued Disney for stealing her idea for the movie ‘Inside Out.’ Disney called the suit ridiculous, then announced their next movie about a child development expert who sues Disney for stealing her idea.”

SETH MEYERS

“Senate Republicans released a draft of their bill to replace Obamacare, which would cut taxes for richer Americans and insurance companies, and defund Planned Parenthood for one year. The bill was so bad, President Trump said, ‘Does anyone have any questions for me about Russia?’ 

“I think I’m starting to see a pattern here, because if you recall, the first version of the House health care bill was projected to leave 24 million uninsured, the second version of the House bill left 23 million uninsured, and now this Senate bill leaves 22 million uninsured. So basically Republicans are just 21 drafts away from breaking even. Republicans take more missed shots than Shaquille O’Neal.”

“Nobody spins like Kellyanne Conway: We don’t see them as cuts. We see them as reverse-increases — and we’re gonna give so many reverse-increases to Medicaid that Americans will have more none of it than they’ve ever had before!”

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