Nothing gets a limerick writer’s attention like a naked man in a doorway.
This week’s contestants in the Observer’s 20th limerick contest seized on the story of Gerard Leeper, the resident of Charlotte’s Cardinal Glen neighborhood who frequently stands naked in his front doorway. Police say they can’t charge him because he’s not breaking the law.
Wes Long wrote about him last week. This week’s winner, Steve Kardisco of Hickory, had the most entertaining take this time:
“Naked guy” was lampooned by Wes Long.
What he’s doing is so very wrong.
When you push his bell button,
To the door he comes struttin’,
Preceded by a “ding” and a “dong.”
Bob Aldrich of Lake Waccamaw thinks he knows what led to this.
There once was a clothes horse named Leeper
Who watched wardrobe costs getting steeper.
Now he’s not a buyer
Of costly attire
He’s found going nude is much cheaper.
Long, of Cramerton, offered another take:
Card’nal Glen folks are tired of the view,
Although legally, what can they do?
When a cop, on patrol,
Said he saw a loophole,
Neighbors cringed, they’d all seen that thing too.
Wes Long’s father, John Long of Stanley, sent in the best limerick not related to naked man. He read a story about a delegation of N.C. women who feel their senators are not taking them seriously regarding the attorney general nomination.
Said Tillis and Burr, “Stop your bitchin’,
The Lynch nomination, we’re ditchin’,
Leave decisions to us
And get back on the bus
You’re needed at home – in the kitchen.”
Bill McGloughlin of Charlotte noted Ted Cruz might face questions about his birthplace in his presidential bid:
Mister Cruz tweeted out Sunday late
That he’s running for president. Wait;
The last time that I checked,
And I’m sure I’m correct,
I don’t think Canada is a state.
Back in North Carolina, McGloughlin is pessimistic that House Bill 252 will help much. It makes clear that a sexual relationship between a lobbyist and a legislator does, indeed, represent a conflict.
Pols and lobbyists often collude,
And it sometimes puts them in the mood,
But with rules in the works
To quash romantic perks,
It will still be the voters get screwed.
Finally, Paul Caruso of Hickory questions Duke Energy’s challenge of a $25 million fine over groundwater contamination.
At Duke they’re contesting the fine
Paul Newton says, “Over the line!”
Maybe he can refute it
If he’ll promise to shoot it
All over HIS back yard, not mine.
Next week is the final week of the contest. Get your entries to me at email@example.com by 9 a.m. Wednesday.
Other honorable mentions this week:
From Bill McGloughlin:
The political season awaits,
And we’ve no shortage of candidates,
Ted’s ambition burns hot,
Though his birthplace is not
One of our current fifty-four states.
Seems the Raleigh Republican mob
Thinks someone from the city’s a snob,
And they have a solution
Although some would prefer the word “rob”.
From John Long:
On David Copperfield’s rooftop pool springing a leak:
When the pool leaked in Copperfield’s tower,
All the folks down below got a shower.
The builder, they found,
Had earned his renown,
Building ponds that hold ash for Duke Power.
On Fox News makes the most of a story out of South Carolina:
In Rock Hill, from a laundromat dryer,
Leapt flames that grew higher and higher.
Later Fox would expose,
It was Hillary’s clothes,
For some reason, her pants were on fire.
My Starbucks barista, named Heather,
Said that we should discuss “race together,”
When I gushed, “I ain’t fickle,
I love ol’ Dick Trickle,”
The topic was changed to the weather.
From Wes Long:
On a Nevada bill that lets sick pets use medical marijuana:
Marijuana helps pets live pain free,
My old bird dog and I both agree.
Now she runs, jumps and points,
No more trouble with joints.
Heck, she might roll ‘em better than me.
When barista’s asked questions offbeat,
At the Starbucks on East, where we meet.
My girlfriend, named Heather,
Said, “Let’s Race Together
To the Caribou right down the street.”
From Joel Zauss:
Greg Hardy is now Dallas fodder.
Abuse charge dropped – some say he bought her.
Second chances are due
So he may start anew.
But I don’t want him dating my daughter.
From Lou Breaux:
All these news domains such as dot porn,
dot adult and dot sucks, seem forlorn.
Yet it seems apropos,
just a new place to go,
for dot losers to toot their dot horn.