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Laugh Attacks: Humorists’ comments on politics and public affairs

Noah
Noah THE WASHINGTON POST

TREVOR NOAH

“The only way Donald Trump can consider himself a problem solver is if he stops creating problems. ‘You guys are so lucky, I was about to do something — but I stopped myself! Problem pre-solved.’ 

“While we do know that Trump has decided to send more troops to Afghanistan, that’s pretty much all we know. Trump’s actual strategy is like his position on Nazis: It’s unclear.”

“Donald Trump and Melania were watching (the eclipse) together, which surprised me. Because, I mean, two minutes of total darkness? That should have been her chance to escape.”

CONAN O’BRIEN

“After being advised specifically not to look at the sun without protective glasses — true story — President Trump stared at the eclipse today without protective glasses. He did it after they told him not to. So afterwards, everyone started advising him: Whatever you do, don’t resign.”

“Experts are saying that President Trump is already preparing for the 2020 election. Now some people think that’s overly optimistic, but others say, no, he’ll probably be paroled by then.”

“Hillary Clinton is coming out with a book called ‘What Happened.’ Yeah, out of habit, Bill Clinton immediately came out with his own book: ‘Baby, I Can Explain.’ He’s come out with that book 700 times.”

“President Trump tweeted that he’s ‘sad’ over the removal of ‘our beautiful statues.’ Of course, Trump may just be sticking up for his fellow bronze-colored symbols of hate.”

“Before announcing his decision on Afghanistan, President Trump was said to have made a rigorous — that’s what his people are saying, ‘rigorous’ — review of the issue. Yes, Trump said: ‘I must have read at least four tweets about it.’ 

SETH MEYERS

“While President Trump fielded questions yesterday about Charlottesville, White House Chief of Staff John Kelly was seen staring at the ground with his arms crossed. And after hearing the press conference, so was the Statue of Liberty.”

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