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Laugh AttacksHumorists’ comments on politics and public affairs

O’Brien
O’Brien Getty Images

CONAN O’BRIEN

“President Trump spoke at a rally in Arizona and really fired up his supporters. He opened his speech by saying, ‘Our movement is a movement built on love.’ In other words, he started with his best joke.”

“President Trump said of his critics, ‘I went to better schools than they did. I was a better student than they were. I live in a bigger, more beautiful apartment. And I live in the White House, too.’ Then someone handed Trump a fidget spinner and he quieted right down.”

“It is being reported that President Trump is no longer speaking to Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell. Upon hearing this, Melania went to McConnell and said, ‘Teach me, Master.’ 

“Some parents in California are mad that a kindergarten teacher read their kids a book about transgenderism. It was the Dr. Seuss classic, ‘Cat in the Hat Who Identifies as a Dog.’ 

“In her new book, Hillary Clinton calls Donald Trump a ‘creep’ who ‘made her skin crawl.’ When he heard, Trump smiled and said, ‘I still got it.’ 

“In Saudi Arabia, a 14-year-old boy was detained for dancing to the Macarena. You know, I don’t say this often, but I gotta side with the Saudi government on this one.”

TREVOR NOAH

“Oh, snap! Hillary going hard on Donald Trump. And she’s smart, too. She’s doing it in the one place he’ll never find her: a book.”

“I’m excited to read this book. Because all through the campaign, half of the time, I was like, ‘I wonder what’s going through Hillary’s mind right now.’ That doesn’t happen with Trump. It’s more like, ‘Can you stop telling us what’s going through your mind right now?’ 

JIMMY FALLON

“Trump tweeted that removing Confederate statues takes beauty out of our parks that can never be replaced. Then he said, ‘Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go cut down a bunch of trees to build a hotel and golf course.’ 

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