Former Observer limericks champion Wes Long of Cramerton came close to winning each of the first three weeks of this year’s contest. He finally could not be denied in this final week with his take on Indiana, Gov. Mike Pence and that state’s religious freedom bill.
“At the Final Four,” Mike Pence reminds,
“We’ll applaud when guys slap guys’ behinds.
They’ll be young, fit and sweaty,
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In a sea of confetti.
Who says Hoosiers don’t have open minds?”
Long’s father, John Long of Stanley, won Week One and takes home grand prize honors for the second straight year. His rhymes all month only added to his stature. This week, he explained what the naked-man-in-the-doorway story had to do with the story about a monkey on the loose in Charlotte last week:
This monkey’s sad tale is unwinding,
Having searched for a job, and not finding,
On a tip, he was then,
Off to Cardinal Glen,
Where a man with an organ was grinding.
That naked man prompted a legislative proposal to toughen the indecent exposure law. Long thinks future flashers won’t be able to dodge it:
This naked man caper, of course meant,
A new law that would get wide endorsement.
And you’d better not scoff,
Or you’ll never get off,
’Cause they’re planning on rigid enforcement.
Bob Aldrich of Lake Waccamaw saw the story about a shooting outside the National Security Agency:
At Ft. Meade the guards raised the red flag
When two men crashed the gate dressed in drag.
One is under arrest.
One’s no longer cross-dressed.
He’s now wearing a black body bag.
Bill McGloughlin of Charlotte is not convinced N.C. officials are truly upset about the latest recruiting loss of a car plant:
“When it comes to new jobs for wage earners,
Auto plants can be major head turners.
Volvo’s interested, yet,
Part of me wants to bet
Raleigh says, “We don’t know ’bout them fur’ners.”
We close with two more on the Indiana religious freedom law, which critics say sanctions discrimination against gays and lesbians. First, Jeff Kaylor of Mt. Holly:
“You gay folks ain’t goin’ to heaven,
So stay out of MY 7-Eleven,”
Says the man from Indy,
Who thinks that it’s trendy
To pick who can (and cannot) be forgeven.
And finally Joel Zauss of Charlotte, the Week Two winner:
Indianans can turn them away
If their faith doesn’t tolerate gay.
They cite their religion
To hate just a smidgen.
Funny, that’s what I heard ISIS say.
That wraps up the 20th Observer Politics & Public Policy Limericks contest. Thanks for playing, and see you next year!
Some other entries from this week:
From Paul Caruso of Hickory:
Jeff Gordon says he’s ending his drive
But his need for the speed will survive
If he’s yearning a thrill
He’ll go North of Fort Mill
For the furious Three Twenty Five.
From Wes Long of Cramerton:
I don’t want to say Ted Cruz is slow,
But he watched, with his face all aglow,
The TV in his den,
And believed that Mad Men
Was a modern reality show.
From Steve Kardisco of Hickory on naked man Gerard Leeper:
Leeper’s acting won’t win him a “Tony”.
His excuses are really quite phony.
But if “ chutzpah” you seek,
You would learn with one peek,
Hillary’s got the bigger “cojones”.
From Bill McGloughlin of Charlotte:
The new bill to “share wealth” from the city,
As it’s written is surely a pity.
Don’t the authors feel dumb?
It lets Charlotte keep some
Of the money, so back to Committee!
From Bob Aldrich of Lake Waccamaw:
On health care, Cruz may have stepped in it
But he’s figured how he will spin it.
With fan fare he’ll dispense
A Pelosi defense
“He’s joined it to find out what’s in it.”
From Bill DuBose of Davidson, after reading a column from the Kansas City Star’s Lewis Diuguid:
Mr. Duigiud wrote a piece for the Observer.
You may not agree with his fervor,
But in spelling his name,
Fore and aft, it’s the same.
To do that, he’s got to be clever.
From Mike Tuggle of Charlotte:
Pat’s liberal arts editorial
Struck many as prosecutorial.
His crude accusation
Made Pat appear “Goober”-natorial
From Phil Clutts of Harrisburg:
Republicans abound in this chase,
Each hopes to appeal to his base,
Though none of them’s female,
They’ve no problem with e-mail,
Which could mean a lot in this race.