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Laugh Attacks: Humorists’ comments on politics and public affairs

Corden
Corden Richard Shotwell/Invision/AP

JAMES CORDEN

“Aides who are close to Donald Trump describe him as ‘unstable,’ ‘losing a step’ and ‘unraveling.’ Meanwhile those of us NOT close to Donald Trump are like, ‘Yep, I’ve used those words too.’ 

“There was an odd moment today when Trump held a ceremony to sign an executive order but he forgot the one important part of the signing ceremony, which is the part where you sign. He wandered off early, and Mike Pence had to pull him back, saying, ‘Mr. President, you need to sign it.’ Donald Trump seems to be the only person on the planet who is able to forget that Donald Trump is the president.”

“I guess watching this, the good news is there is no way that man remembers the nuclear codes.”

TREVOR NOAH

“I don’t think we should be surprised that Trump offended this (Gold Star) family. What do you think, a phone is going to magically transform him into Sir Phineas the Eloquent? Like, Trump’s going to be talking, like, ‘All these losers and haters! Bing bing, bong bong — bigly! Hold on, I gotta make a call. Greetings and salutations. My soul is awash in a great flood of sorrow as I reflect upon your circumstance. Where was I? Little Rocket Man!’ It’s not going to happen.”

“How do you start with something so clear and then suddenly veer off track? It’s like Trump was handed the baton in a race, and instead of staying in his lane he walks off the track, gets into a car, drives the car off a cliff, rolls down the cliff, the car explodes, he gets out of the car, dusts himself off, and he’s like, ‘Why didn’t Obama drive?’ 

“I really don’t understand why they’re still going ahead with the wall. Nobody needs it. The only place we should be building a wall is around Harvey Weinstein.”

“The NYPD is looking into criminal allegations as well. So I guess it’s a good thing Harvey Weinstein likes people watching him shower, because there’s a lot of that in prison.”

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