The only thing that looks healthy about Donald Trump is he’s shaped like a food pyramid.
“No heart problems, no dementia, no dentures. But did you test for racism?”
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“The results of Trump’s physical came out today. White House physician Dr. Ronny Jackson said President Trump is in excellent health. Trump thanked Jackson, and told him to say hi to his brothers, Jermaine and Tito.”
“A lot of people were very skeptical when they heard that Trump only weighs 239 pounds. But it actually checks out when you remember that for the weigh-in, Trump took off his clothes and his hair.”
“Former White House communications director Anthony Scaramucci defended Trump, saying, ‘At the end of the day, he’s not a racist.’ Then he said, ‘During the day, it’s a different story.’ ”
“Last Saturday, officials in Hawaii mistakenly sent out an alert that said a missile was headed toward the island. And Trump didn’t comment until the next day. That’s classic Trump right there. I mean, the first time there actually IS fake news, he’s nowhere to be found.”
“Congress is questioning Twitter about allowing extremists on their site. In response, Twitter said, ‘We have to, he’s the president.’ ”
“Saudi Arabia has lifted a 35-year ban on movie theaters, and the first movie to screen publicly was “The Emoji Movie.” So the ban is back on.”
“Republicans are more likely to label news they don’t like as fake, while Democrats are more likely to label news they don’t like as Fox.”
“President Trump spent MLK Day at his golf club in Florida. And what better way to celebrate Martin Luther King than with the whitest thing you can do — golf at a private club that’s named after you.”
“The only whiter thing he could have done would be to put on some cargo shorts and listen to NPR at Whole Foods.”