Laugh Attacks: Humorists’ comments on politics and public affairs


Trevor Noah

“It’s onnnn! President Obama versus President Trump. The leader versus the tweeter. ‘Yes we can’ versus ‘way too tan!’”

“How do you even know if Elon Musk is high? Because even when he’s sober he’s like, ‘You know what we should do? We should go to Mars.’”

“Trump is such a danger to America that his cabinet thought about using the 25th Amendment to remove him from office — but then they decided not to use it because it would be too messy? The 25th Amendment is there so that you can use it! It’s like there’s a sign that says, ‘In case of emergency, break glass,’ but then these guys are like, ‘I mean, we could break the glass but then there would be glass everywhere. I mean, maybe we can just try to steer the fire in a different direction? It’s less dramatic, yeah, let’s talk to it.’”

Seth Meyers

“White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders held her first press briefing in almost three weeks. And you could tell she was a little rusty — because she almost answered a question.”

“Press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said that the White House is not considering conducting lie-detector tests to uncover the author of the anonymous Op-Ed published in The New York Times. Because putting a lie detector in the White House would be like putting a smoke detector in Willie Nelson’s dressing room.”

“President Trump on Friday claimed the quotes in Bob Woodward’s book were made up and that Woodward uses every trick in the book to demean and belittle. Said Woodward, ‘You mean my tape recorder?’”

Jimmy Fallon

“President Trump’s still trying to figure out who wrote the anonymous New York Times op-ed about him. You can tell he’s getting desperate — today he yelled, ‘That’s it. Get me the gang from Scooby Doo!’”

“Bob Woodward’s book ‘Fear: Trump in the White House’ . . . is expected to be a No. 1 best-seller, until another tell-all book about Trump comes out tomorrow.”

“Later this season, the N.F.L. will hold a game in Mexico. It’s all part of the league’s plan to combine as many things that Trump hates as possible.”

“I saw that Starbucks recently opened its first store in Italy. And this is weird: Over there, the sizes are small, medium and large.”