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Laugh Attacks: Humorists’ comments on politics and public affairs

Colbert
Colbert

Stephen Colbert

“Don’t worry, Mr. President, they’re not laughing at you — they’re laughing with each other at you.”

Conan O’Brien

“At the U.N. President Trump told world leaders that his administration has accomplished more than any in U.S. history, and the whole audience laughed. Trump was furious — ‘cause for a few seconds he accidentally made some foreigners happy.”

“In his speech at the U.N. he also said that Iran’s leaders ‘sow chaos and destruction.’ Trump then said, ‘Come on, man. That’s MY thing.’”

“President Trump called the invasion of Iraq the single greatest mistake in U.S. history. In response, many Americans said, ‘Well, second greatest.’”

“There’s a rumor that Assistant Attorney General Rod Rosenstein wants to declare President Trump unfit for office. Right now all Rosenstein has to go on is everything Trump has said or done for the past two years.”

“Scientists developed a robotic skin that can make stuffed animals appear to come to life. It’s being hailed as a ‘breakthrough’ for people who like to scare small children.”

Jimmy Kimmel

“Amazon is working on a whole new way to make humans obsolete. Over the next three years, Amazon is reported to have a plan to open 3,000 cashier-free stores called Amazon Go. You know how Amazon lets you buy whatever you want from your house? Well now you can get in the car, drive to the store, park, buy the stuff, get back in the car, and bring it all to your home all by yourself. It’s a great idea. This would be like Netflix opening a chain of Blockbuster video stores with no cashiers.”

James Corden

“In his (U.N.) address, Trump discussed the greatest threats to the peace and stability of the world. So, like most of his speeches, it was all about himself.”

“Rosenstein once floated the idea of secretly recording conversations with the president by wearing a wire. A wire? If you want to catch Trump saying something incriminating you don’t need a wire. Just look at his Twitter feed!”

“President Trump’s new limo is tricked out with all kinds of advanced features. It can even reach speeds of up to 70 drive-in windows per hour.”

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