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Laugh Attacks: 06.20.15

CONAN O’BRIEN
CONAN O’BRIEN Getty Images

JIMMY FALLON

“How about this woman Rachel Dolezal in Spokane, Washington? She was president of the Spokane chapter of the NAACP but was exposed as a white woman who was pretending to be black. A lot of people are upset, especially her white friends who thought they had at least one black friend.”


“Rachel Dolezal was exposed for pretending to be black after her parents showed her Montana birth certificate and said that she is white. Though everyone else said, ‘Yeah, yeah, we got it at Montana birth certificate.’”


“Congrats to the Chicago Blackhawks, who defeated the Tampa Bay Lightning to win the Stanley Cup. Though there was some controversy when the Blackhawks’ parents revealed that they’re actually Whitehawks pretending to be black.”


“Donald Trump is running for president and he’s wasting no time getting down to business. In fact, just after his announcement he demanded to see Jeb Bush’s birth certificate.”


“Bernie Sanders told reporters that his campaign will have plenty of money to compete for the Democratic nomination. Then he said, while writing down an order, ‘And I’ll be right back with your pancakes.’”


CONAN O’BRIEN

“Rachel Dolezal, the white woman pretending to be African American, has resigned from her position in the NAACP. She was last spotted walking out of the NAACP offices with a box full of her Coldplay CDs.”


“Rachel Dolezal made an appearance on the ‘Today’ show. I don’t think she’s learned her lesson because for the first hour she pretended to be Al Roker.”


“Donald Trump announced today he is running for president of the United States. Traditionally that means six more weeks of comedy.”


SETH MEYERS

“Donald Trump announced today that he is running for president. And based on the amount of bronzer he uses, he’s also running for president of the Spokane NAACP.”


“Former Spokane NAACP president Rachel Dolezal said that she doesn’t think of herself as a con artist. Of course, she also doesn’t think of herself as a white lady, but she is.”


“Beachgoers in Florida have been warned about deadly flesh-eating bacteria in the water. Of course, if you’re even in Florida, you’ve already ignored a few warnings.”

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