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Laugh AttacksHumorists’ comments on politics and public affairs

Fallon
Fallon AP

JIMMY FALLON

“Rick Perry said Donald Trump is unfit to be president and called for him to immediately withdraw from the race. Then he said, ‘And that’s coming from ME!’”

“In a speech in South Carolina, Donald Trump responded to criticisms from Senator Lindsey Graham by giving out Graham's personal cellphone number. Graham knew something was up when he saw he had more than one missed call.”

“Donald Trump’s not backing down. He said he doesn’t need to be lectured by the other Republican candidates, who he says have no business running for president. Not to be confused with Donald Trump, who ran for president and now has no business.”

“Researchers here in New York created a robot that actually passed a self-awareness test. So if you're keeping score, that's robots: 1, Donald Trump, 0.”

CONAN O’BRIEN

“In an interview, Hillary Clinton said she likes nearly every flavor of ice cream. When he heard this, Chris Christie said ‘Hey, she stole my speech.’”

“A company is trying to fund a new endeavor known as Uber for Kids. So parents will soon be teaching their kids that they shouldn't talk to strangers but they should get into a car with them.”

SETH MEYERS

“President Obama today became the first sitting U.S. president to visit a federal prison. And for a brief moment, there was some real excitement over at Fox News.”

“At a campaign event, Donald Trump read Senator Lindsey Graham's cellphone number aloud on live TV. It’s the craziest thing Trump has done since whatever he did right before that.”

“The White House is making a special Twitter account to answer questions about the new nuclear agreement. Finally using Twitter for what it was designed for — explaining complex, international nuclear agreements involving several nations.”

“Rick Perry compared Donald Trump to cancer, which really isn’t fair because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.”

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