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Laugh Attacks: Humorists’ comments on politics and public affairs

Colbert
Colbert Richard Shotwell/Invision/AP

As of yesterday the 2016 presidential election is just one year away, which means it's only 11 months until voters start paying attention.

Stephen Colbert

Seth Meyers

“Former President George H.W. Bush has a new biography coming out titled ‘Destiny and Power.’ While Jeb Bush has a new biography titled neither of those.”

“A new report found that Hillary Clinton’s campaign most often eats pizza for meals. While Chris Christie’s campaign most often eats pizza for snacks.”

“Dr. Ben Carson’s campaign released a new 60-second radio ad that uses rap music to try to appeal to black voters. So there you have it: Get out and vote for Ben Carson on November 3rd, 1992.”

“Dr. Ben Carson is drawing intense criticism after reports have surfaced that he may have embellished his history of violence as a teen, his scholarship to West Point, and other parts of his life story. Not only that, but it turns out the twins he separated were fraternal.”

“Bernie Sanders this weekend argued against the major political fundraising families, saying, ‘That is not called democracy, that is called oligarchy.’ Bernie, you gotta dumb it down a little. Most Americans think ‘oligarchy’ is that place that serves unlimited breadsticks.”

“The Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree arrived on Friday. They’re calling the tree “Jeb” because it’s a dying bush.”

Conan O’Brien

“SeaWorld is phasing out its killer whale show. Or as Fox News reported it, ‘More killers set free under Obama.’ 

“Some Evangelical Christians claim that because this year’s Starbucks holiday cup doesn’t have any Christmas symbols, Starbucks hates Jesus. In response, a spokesman for Starbucks said, ‘We like anyone who can turn water into something we can charge $7 a cup for.’ 

 

Jimmy Fallon

“Jeb Bush said that he’s learning to toot his own horn a little better, which is good because pretty soon he’s going to be the one driving his campaign bus.”

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