The Buzz 03.09.16

Google Fiber Internet is super fast. Google Fiber construction is super slow.

Good news: Jobs are up. Bad news: They’re crappy jobs.

Pat, Cintra gave you a mulligan. Use it wisely.

Trump and torture? Yes, it definitely is.

I can’t believe what Donald says sometimes, but I never believe what Hillary says.

Enough with the debates! There are already too many reality shows on TV.

The election is eight months away and the nation has already lost.

RIP Nancy, and please don’t tell Ronnie about the 2016 election.

Bernie’s first act: Instruct USDA to plant those magic trees that grow free stuff.

Cut it out, ESPN. Peyton Manning is retiring; he’s not dead.

Forget the lottery for big payouts. I’m suing someone!

A Duke anthropologist wonders why we have chins? To take the next UNC loss on.