Talk about taking the Lord’s name in blame.
During his rambling concession speech Tuesday night, the soon-to-be-unemployed most junior Sen. Marco Rubio, R-Happy Trails to You, explained his drubbing at the polls by noting “it is God’s plan that I not be president in 2016, or maybe never.”
Emphasis on never.
This would suggest, of course, that the Almighty took time out from managing the universe and helping baseball players who do the sign of the cross at the plate to hit a hanging curve, to gaze down from the heavens and think: “Let there be the Donald.”
No, senator, there was no divine intervention in your landslide 27 percent of the Florida primary vote, losing by 19 points to a chap who has been married three times, bragged about his adulterous affairs, reigned over a gambling empire and confessed to never having asked for God’s forgiveness even as he was ripping off widows, gullible investors and hapless marks who attended one of his phony schools.
Or is it simply possible that God has a perverse sense of humor?
Texas Sen. Ted Cruz, R-House of Shards, frequently invokes a higher deity on those rare occasions when he wins a primary, delivering a rapturous “God bless the great state of Maine!” Or Iowa, or Kansas, or Oklahoma. Does this suggest those other heretical states that preferred Trump are doomed to eternal damnation? As a matter of fact, yes they are, or at least potentially to four years of Yosemite Sam in the White House.
This isn’t really a presidential campaign. It’s Donald’s Inferno.
Republican Party big shots may be deep into their martinis ruing the de facto takeover of the GOP by the Maharaja of Mar-a-Lago. But for better or worse, elections do provide clarity.
Across the right-wing radio dial there is no shortage of dithering hand-wringing over what Trump’s dominance means for the Republican Party. How can Trump be stopped? How can he be denied the GOP presidential nomination? What to do?
Here’s a start for the “We’re all going to die!” crowd. Shut up.
Barring an anvil landing on Trump (you never know), he is all but certain to be the nominee. And any plot to finagle the convention rules to prevent a Trump nomination will result in a chaotic frenzy resulting in handing the White House to Hillary Clinton.
Memo to the Republicans: Trump is your guy, much like the bumptious brother-in-law who shows up uninvited and drinks all your liquor. Get used to it.
Besides, who else do the Republicans have even if they managed to pull off a coup d’sourpuss?
Cruz? The Elmer Gantry of the Rio Grande? Really? Cruz is a man so universally reviled in Republican political circles that Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell might well endorse a third term for President Barack Obama rather than see the smarmy Texas tinhorn in the Oval Office.
Jean Simmons, a Hillary Clinton volunteer in Florida, said she was partly motivated to get politically involved because she feared what would happen if Trump was elected and “he hacked off that guy in North Korea.”
“God help us,” chimed in Marilyn Allen.
It’s going to be a busy time for the Good Lord.